


Web of Lies

by OnefortheroadNarry



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angry!Louis, M/M, cheating!harry, sad!Niall
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-06-09 05:49:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 25,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6892609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnefortheroadNarry/pseuds/OnefortheroadNarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Niall loses his memory from the past few years and Harry breaks his heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was 2am when I woke up in an empty bed to the phone call that tangled my mind as much as it did my life. I raced down the stairs while pulling on a jumper and jeans. My heart was racing and I could feel beads of sweat forming over my face. 

Niall was lying in the hospital bed. Tubes weaving their way in, out and around his body. He looked terribly fragile which was so unlike Niall. It broke my heart to see him like this. 

"What happened?", I asked the nurse checking Niall's vitals. My voice no more than a whimper.  
"Hit and run, he was in a critical condition but stable now. We just need to wait until he wakes to see what damage has been done to his brain." She replied.

That scared me, what if Niall...wasn't Niall anymore. A vegetable. I sat by his bed for the next few hours. That is what a good boyfriend does. Isn't it? I knew very well that I wasn't a good boyfriend. Even sitting here now, beside Niall, I couldn't stop myself messaging Ash to come here when he can. It was 6am when Ashton replied that he'd be here soon. I know it's wrong of me. Niall has always been so loyal to me, never even looking at another guy or girl. Yet I've gone and fallen for someone else. And not just anybody but one of Niall's best friends. 

When Ashton finally arrives he goes straight to Niall's side. A pang of guilt hits me when I catch myself wishing he'd have just come to comfort me.  
"Is he okay? What happened?!" Ash asked me. I explained all I knew.  
"Fuck", Ash replied. "Haz, that's scary. Are you okay?"  
I had to think about that. I don't know. I'm not okay with being okay that Niall is in a bad way but it's not like I'm hurting terribly. I had stopped loving Niall. I knew I had. He still loved me though so I was not able to break it off. I couldn't do that to him. But Ash and I got a bit drunk one night while Ni and Luke were are a footy game and one thing led to another and all of the sudden I was fucking Ash in Niall and I's bed. I told Ash everything, that I wanted to break things off with Niall but I didn't know how. That I didn't want to hurt him. Ashton refused to go behind Niall's back though and said I had to break up with him. He didn't want to do anything behind Niall's back. Three months later and I still hadn't broken up with him. And now this.  
"No, I don't think so," I told him. "I'm confused, Ash." Ashton sighed and wrapped his arms around me carefully. We talked for hours before we decided to leave. I'd get a call when Nial woke up. Ashton came to Niall and I's home. We ate dinner and everything seemed to be okay, other than Niall in the hospital. After dinner, we sat on the couch and I did what no decent person would when they have a boyfriend in the hospital. I pulled Ashton under my arm. He tensed up immediately.  
"Harry, you can't do that. I told you I'm not doing anything behind Niall's back. He's one of my best mates." Ashton said in a pleading voice.  
It occurred to me then that for all Ash knows, I've already broken up with Niall. So long as I don't let them talk to each other for a while if...when...Niall wakes up I'll have enough time to really break things off with Niall. 

"We broke up." I lied. Ashton loked at me in shock.

"What? Really? Was he okay? Was that why he was out so late? Was he upset?" Ash questioned.

"Jesus, yes, he was upset but he was fine, it's not the reason he got hit by a car." I told him.

"Oh okay. Did you tell him about us?" Ashton asked with a concerned look on his face.

"No, not what we did at least, I said I had feelings for someone else." The lies pouring from my mouth so easily. 

"So we shouldn't start anything yet Harry, I don't want him to be hurt."

"He's fine Ash. He's in a coma, it's not like he is able to catch us?" Ashton baulked at me and I realised how cold that sounded and rushed to redeem myself. "Fuck, I didn't mean that. I'm just...I don't know... I've wanted this for so long Ash."

Ashton swallowed and shuffled forward. "Okay, but if I can't handle the guilt you have to stop, no questions asked!" I nodded vigorously.

.... 


	2. Chapter 2

It was three weeks before Niall woke up and our worlds turned upside down. Louis was with him at the time. When he called he seemed worried and I couldn't work out why, I could hear Niall talking in the back ground and he sounded normal. It wasn't until I got there that Louis told me Niall had some memory loss.  
"He can't remember anything from the past three years," Louis said, " he knows we're in 1D but has no idea Zayn left or..." He trailed off. It didn't sink in until I saw Niall chatting away as happy as Larry to Zayn that Niall might not remember he and I were together. He had been furious with Zayn for ditching the band without any good warning. Yet there he was as if all was forgiven, or forgotten in his case. I didn't know how to feel. Releaved, sad, released? Niall and I had so many great times together that he's lost, but then this means Ashton and I could stay together without the guilt of hurting Niall.   
"You can't tell him that he was dating me." I told Louis. He gave me a look to say 'what?'.  
"We've drifted Lou, I was trying to break up with him for months but I didn't want to hurt him. If he knows nothing about it at all then it won't hurt him!"I explained.   
"Haz, I...but it's Niall, you two are great together." Louis said looking sad.  
"We were, but not any more, I like someone else, I can't help it." I said, pleading for Louis to understand.   
"Okay, fine but if he remembers anything or asks questions it's your responsibility." Louis said, "I'm not going to just watch you hurt Ni." I nodded and Lou let me past as Zayn left the room. He didn't say anything to either of us, just nodded and walked past. Niall may have forgotten but we hadn't. Zayn had been a dick to us all since he left the band.   
I walked in to the room and Niall's smile beamed at me.   
"Harry! Look at you! You got tall!" He laughed.  
"Heh, yeah, guess I did." I replied and sat on his bed holding his hand. It wasn't until Niall gave me a questioning look that I realised I probably never held his hand before we dated. I quickly dropped it.   
"Sorry." I mumbled.   
"S'fine." He said.  
"How do you feel?" I asked him.  
"Mmm, you know, like I got hit by a bus...wait, no a car." He laughed at his own joke. He hadn't changed at least.  
"Do you know when you get out?" I asked him.  
"Yeah, three days." he said. "Zee said I lived with you now. It's so strange, I was sure you and Louis would still be roomies."   
"Yeah, we just had fun together I guess." I said, praying that Zayn didn't say why we were living together.  
"He said he left the band too, that sucks." He said looking sad. "He played me his favourite track from the new album though and we still did a good job, hay?"  
"He has a favourite song?" I asked, curious. I wouldn't have thought Zayn would listen to our music anymore.  
"Yep, The Drag me Down one".   
"Hmm, cool. What else have you found out that was interesting, you know, since waking." I prodded.  
"Well, Louis grew a mo, that was strange, Liam got chunky and I grew a lot in three years, if you know what I mean." The blush on Nills cheeks made me want to kiss and hold him so tight. I didn't know what he meant, we had been together for over two and a half years and had gone from boy to man in that time.  
I chuckled and punched his arm.   
"Hey, it WAS pretty cool to wake up and suddenly have filled out a little and gotten bigger in other places that matter to girls!"   
"Niall!" I groaned, then I realised he said girls, he doesn't know he has come out to me and the boys and his folks. I didn't really want him embarrassing himself by trying to hide it. "Um, Ni...lots happened over three years...like... Things that I should maybe tell you so you don't find out in another way." I said.  
"Err, OK Haz, go ahead." Niall said sounding worried.  
"Ok, so you may not think you are right now but umm...."  
"Haz, just spit it out, I can take it, I've obviously survived before."  
"Yeah...yep...you're right, okay, so...we know you like boys, not girls, and so does your family, but not the rest of the world." I paused to let that sink in. Niall just nodded. I continued.   
"It wasn't a big deal, you know."   
"Yeah, I get it, thanks for telling me, it would have been embarrassing pretending to be strait if people knew I like boys." He paused and looked down at my hand.  
"Is there anything else?" He asked.  
"Umm, not anything big." I said and he just nodded.

We talked for a few hours with Louis, filling Niall in on what he had missed. It wasn't until Lou and I left that I slipped up again and almost kissed Niall on the lips and called him 'babe'. Luckily Niall turned his face so I got his cheek and Louis jumped in yelling 'bye babe' to Niall too. I made my way out to the 'kiss and drive' where Ashton was waiting for me. I got INT the car and kissed Ash quickly before yelping at the sting of a punch to my arm. I turned to see who had hit me through the window to see Louis.

"You better hope he doesn't remember anything Harry." He whispered before storming off.  
"Fuck." I said as I rubbed my arm. Ashton just looked worried.


	3. Chapter 3

"Harry, what was that about?" Ashton asked as he drove me home after a go ten minutes of silence.  
"Niall doesn't remember anything, nothing from the past three years. He doesn't know him and I were ever together." I told him.  
"Soo..does that upset you?" Ashton asked. He looked a little worried.  
"No Ash, I mean, it does but not like you're thinking." I told him while taking his hand.  
"Okay, so why is it a problem?" He asked.  
"Well, Louis is pissed at me, and if Niall remembers anything at all he will be pissed at me too. I didn't tell him we were together," I explained, "Louis and Liam won't tell him for his sake but if he remembers then I'm screwed."  
We pulled into my driveway and I realised I had to get rid of so many pictures of Niall and I before he came home.  
"He might not, but couldn't you just tell him, and say you broke up not long ago? Wouldn't that make it easier."  
"No, you don't get it Ash, he loved me, which means he may still love me and I can't say no to him. For the past year I haven't loved him back but I still couldn't break up with him!"  
"So if you told him and he was upset you'd go back to him?" Ashton asked sadly.  
"I don't know, I...I like you Ash, I really do."  
"Look Harry, you need to sort out what you want, I'm not saying pick between Niall and I but I am saying don't drag us both around for the fun of it."  
Ashton didn't follow me inside, he kissed my cheek and left.

I knew I wanted Ashton and not Niall, but I didn't know what to do. i started by gathering all the pictures of Niall and myself that were framed and displayed around the house. So many memories. Niall and I had been great together in the beginning. I could not fault him for not being cuddly enough, or caring. So many of the pics were of him holding me carful lay or randomly staring at me while I did something stupid. I sighed as I threw the pictures into my draw.

I needed to move all of Nialls things into the spare room where his old bed was. At least it wouldn't surprise him to still have the same bed he had 3 years ago. He wasn't very materialistic at all. It makes me feel stupid and fake when I think of how we had had a highe fight over how he didn't got me anything for Valentine's Day or our anniversary or birthdays. At the time I thought he was being mean and selfish, when really he was just Niall not caring about things and being happy to just watch a a movie and relax. He had planned a quiet night for us all those days but I blew up at him when he didn't get me anything. I remember telling him how unapreciated I felt. Now I just feel like a dick.

\-------------

Niall returned home two days ago, he didn't question anything, he looked a little confused when he went into our room accidentally instead of the spare room.  
"Huh, that's so strange, I know this place, but like, it seems like a shadow world in my head but I could have sworn I knew this room." He had said.  
I smiled and laughed it off. Louis glared at me. He decided to hang around for a while, bunking in with Niall. I don't know why but it made me pathetically jealous.  
Ashton and Luke are over today. The four boys were all hanging out in the living room. Niall was getting use to knowing the boys again, he had only just met Ash and Luke three years ago so he wasn't used to them knowing so much about him.  
I brought them all a drink and some crisps from the kitchen before sitting down.  
"Oh Niall, there are so many videos you need to see!" Luke said laughing after Niall was shocked to hear he had ridden a Segway and not remembered it. I thought nothing of it as Ashton handed Niall his phone. A phone with memories Niall doesn't have but may now gain!  
I gasped and I know Louis saw, he glared at me. As if daring me to stop Ashton.  
Niall flicked through the pics and watched the videos. A few times he looked confused but mostly he laughed and smiled.  
I even relaxed a little, obviously Ashton had nothing too personal on his phone. Just random, funny pics.

It wasn't until later that night that Niall confronted me. The boys had all gone and Louis was out getting so ring for dinner.  
"Harry...umm...has anything happened between us?" Niall asked.  
"Err...what do you mean?" I said uncertainly.  
"Well, I don't know, you seem pretty distant, you know...I...I thought we were close." He said, twisting his hands into his hoody pocket. "In every picture we were in on Ashton's phone we were cuddling or joking with each other. I haven't really felt like we are like that since I woke up. Did we have a fight? Did I do something wrong?"  
"No...no Niall, I don't know what to say..." I said lamely.  
"That's not really helping Harry." He said. "You're not the one who lost his memory, can you just...help me out a bit? Please?"  
I took a deep breathe as Niall waited patiently.  
"I...I don't know what to say..."


	4. Chapter 4

Niall's expression began to change, he was getting frustrated and not as worried.  
"Harry, what are you hiding from me?" He said, trying to remain calm. "You're being so unfair!"  
"I'm sorry Niall, I'm sorry okay!" I said, my mind running in overdrive. What could I tell him? That we were together at all, that we were for a while.  
"Harry, why do I keep remembering you and I...kissing?" Niall said defeatedly. "Every morning I wake up and a little bit more creeps up but I don't know if it is dream or not Harry but the ones with you in them seem too real to not be true."   
It breaks my heart to see him so scared and vulnerable.   
"We were together, are together,"I sigh. Niall looks even more confused, his eyes giving away everything that is going on in his head. The fact His dreams, memories, were true. The fact I didn't tell him...the fact I lied to him and then. Finally, the realisation Of why I lied. Because I didn't want him to remember.  
"We...you...why?" He stuttered. He looked at me like I had just hit him. I couldn't help my instinct, I had to hold him and comfort him. It was my fault he felt like this. I wrapped him in my arms and he stayed there for a few moments before shoving me off.   
"You lied to me! You said nothing else big! This is big Harry!" He yelled.   
"I know, I'm sorry Niall." I pleaded.  
"No you're not, why would you...you wanted us to not be together, I get it." He said sadly, "but couldn't you have just told me we had dated and broken up?"   
I looked up a bit shocked then, he didn't seem to realise I said we were still together, technically. Well, he didn't until I looked at him like a deer caught in headlights.  
"We didn't break up..." He said quietly, it wasn't a question. He knew what I had done.   
"I didn't want to hurt you." I said. He shook his head.  
"Why wouldn't you just tell me the truth in the first place." Niall said. "Why were...are we dating if you didn't want to be with me?"   
"I couldn't do it..." I whimpered.  
"What? Tell the truth or break up with me?" He asked.  
"Either, you loved me so much, but I had fallen for someone else. Every time I tried to break it off...I couldn't, I didn't want to hurt you."  
"Who is it?" He asked.  
"Who is who?"  
"Who have you fallen for?"   
"Oh, um, Ashton, but he wouldn't do anything more with me while we were together."  
"Gees, that hurts, I can't even explain why it hurts but fuck Harry!" Niall said, a pained expression over his face.  
"I'm sorry, but we drifted, but you wouldnt see it." I said.  
"Oh right, so I'm the sucky boyfriend, the one who wouldn't let go." Niall said with venom in his voice.  
"No, I'm sorry Niall."   
"Did you cheat on me?" He asked as if he knew the answer.  
"Yes, fuck but I didn't mean to, Ash and I got really drunk one night and you had gotten mad at me and left his place because you said I was being to flirty with everyone else. I was mad."  
"So I deserved it did I? It was my fault?" He said hugging himself.  
"No, I'm sorry Niall, none of this was your fault, I'm a dick, I know it, okay?" I said, tears stinging my eyes.   
"I'm going to bed Harry, this hurts, like a lot." He said quietly and turned to his room. I could hear him sniffling in his room still even when Louis came home ten minutes later. Louis saw me sitting on the couch with my hands in my head.   
"What's going on Harry?" He said softly before he heard Niall. I just shook my head, I didn't want to talk to Louis.  
"You fuck! You dick! What the fuck Harry! I told you!" He yelled at me before storming off to see Niall.  
I could hear Louis soothing Niall for a while before coaxing him out for dinner.  
"Harry go fuck off somewhere," Louis said when they came out.  
I took a deep breath and got my keys. I stopped at the door when Niall asked, "Where are you going to go?"   
I just shrugged, "Liam's." I lied. Niall nodded while Louis glared. He knew I wouldn't go to Liam's.

I arrived at Ashton and Luke's rental 5 minutes later. Luke answered the door. He didn't look too happy to see me.   
"Ashton doesn't want to see you, mate." He said cooly.   
"Can I just talk to him, please." I begged. Luke moved away from the door, letting me in. Ashton was sitting on their couch watching TV.   
"Hi, Ash." I said.  
Ashton rubbed his face with his hands.  
"I don't know what to say to you Harry. Did you really think all your lie would hold up?"   
"I didn't mean to, I know it was wrong but I just kept getting in deeper." I said.  
"You said you two broke up! You were cheating on him...with me!" He growled. "He's one of my best friends Harry!"  
"I didn't think he'd remember!"  
"Fucking hell Harry, that's the lamest excuse I've ever heard!" Luke interjected.  
"Harry we won't be happening, okay, no chance, your hot and all but you can't do that to people." Ashton finished.  
"I know, I didn't expect any different." I said. "But I don't have anywhere else to go."   
Both boys signed and Luke said it was up toe Ash.   
"You can sleep on the couch tonight, but then you have to go and face up to what you have done." Ashton said.  
"I will, I'll talk to Niall, and the boys." I promised and slowly sat down on the couch. It didn't take long for the tears to come. I hid my face in my arms and tried to focus on my breathing.  
"Harry, what do you want?" Luke said. "Do you want to break things off with Niall, or were you just thinking you wanted to because it was exciting being with Ashton."   
"You need to make up your mind and tell Niall, You do love him, it's always been obvious to me, you get bored Harry, but youll never find anyone as good for you as Niall is," Ashton said. 

"I do love him...fuck, I love him but what if I hurt him again?" I told them. I couldn't do that to him. It all started to clear up for me. For months I had been pushing Niall away, ever since I cheated. We hadn't drifted, I had pushed him away.  
"You need to talk to him." Ashton said sadly. Luke put his arm around him.  
"I'm so sorry Ash, I didn't mean to hurt you too." I told him.  
"I know Harry." He said calmly and relaxed into Luke's hug. 

I cried myself to sleep, but not before thinking about what I would say to Niall.


	5. Chapter 5

I opened the door to my house slowly. I wasn't sure what I was going to say to Niall yet. But I knew Louis would be there to try and protect Niall. So he was my first obstacle. I had to talk with Louis first.  
Lucky for me Niall was still not up but Louis was in the kitchen doing the dishes. I walked in and he looked up.  
"You're back soon." He said.  
"I screwed up Louis." I told him as I picked up a teatowel.  
Louis stopped what he was doing and gave me a side glance, "You think?"  
"Will he forgive me?" I asked.  
"He shouldn't." Louis said, returning to the dishes. "I wouldn't."  
"I'm not dating you Louis." I grumbled.  
"No, but wouldn't you be protective if our positions were switched?" He said.  
I signed, "Yes, but I need a second chance Lou. I love him, I forgot I did but I know I do."  
"How do I know it's not because Ashton knocked you down?"  
"You don't, but Louis, I promise, I do know I love him." I said and put down my cloth. I could feel the tears coming. I knew Louis was in the right, but I couldn't lose Niall.

"You don't cheat on the people you love." Niall's voice countered. Louis and I spun around to see Niall in the doorway. 

"I'm going to go, but Ni you have my number, I live around the corner if you need me." Louis said and walked off, but not before glaring at me. 

"Niall...I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, you were so good to me and I screwed up..." I said. 

He shruggd his shoulders, not moving from the doorway at least.

"Can you ever forgive me?, Or love me again?" I braved, stepping towards him.

He looked surprised. "Harry, I...what about Ashton?" He said' "I thought you two were together now?" 

"No, he wouldn't, and I realised I didn't want anyone but you anyway." I told him, stepping forward again. Niall remained still.

"I don't trust you..." he said with a quiver in his voice. 

"I know, that's understandable." I said.

"Do you even have the slightest clue on just how vulnerable I am right now?" He said, his voice getting stronger.

"Yes, I do and I'm a dick for what I did while you're in that state." I pleaded. Another step forward. We were witching arms reach now.

"Harry, I...I don't know what to do..." he said.

"What do you want to do?" I asked.

He took a deep breath in. "I want to be with you...but..." He looked up sadly.

"...but what if we should have left things, shouldn't it be easier if we just left things as they are, I don't want to go through a break up, not one with you. If we leave it now then we'll be no worse."

I felt like I was choking. 

"Please Niall, don't do this." I sobbed. I could see Niall's face fracture as the the tears slid down my face. I knew that was his weak point, he hated to see me cry. Was it wrong to use it now?

"Haz, I don't want either of us to be hurt." He choked out with a swallow. He was waivering. 

 "I won't let it happen again, please." I pleaded for the last time and took hold of his face to make him look at me.

i saw his defensive wall tumble before me as he wiped the tears from my face. 

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

I leant down and kissed him softly. I knew already I was taking advantage of him, I knew exactly how he liked being kissed, held, talked to. His eyes blew wide open for a moment before he relaxed into my kiss. He then pulled away and looked down at the ground. 

“This is all new to you, isn’t it?” I asked, he nodded. I enveloped him in my arms, using my height to fold over him, just how he liked. “We can go slow.”  
“Mm.” He hummed. “Harry, were all...um...my firsts...with you?” I stilled, surprised.  
“No. Do you remember Kyle?” I asked. He shook his head. 

“You were sort of with a guy called Kyle for about a month before we got together.” I said.  
“A month!? And I did it all with him?” He asked shocked. “Like even...” he blushed and made a motion with his fist. This had me blushing, I should really know all this, but Louis was Niall’s confident, not me, Niall told Louis everything to do with Kyle. 

“No, no. Sorry I should have explained. You kissed, a lot, and maybe did a bit more but that was all. We did...I was your first.” I told him. He visibly relaxed.   
“Oh, okay.” He said. I took his hand. 

“Come here, lets sit, you look pale, you shouldn’t be up moving so much.” Niall obliged and let me take him to the couch. I sat beside him, pulling him close. He let me, but didn’t make any move to relax. I could see his mind ticking over a thousand miles a minute, questions flying over his eyes as he stared ahead.

“Do I still see him? Are we friends?” He asked suddenly. Jealously rose in me.  
“Um..yes, sort of. He works with the 5SOS boys, doing their stage chorey and all that.” I explained.  
“A dancer?” he asked.  
“Yeah, yep, a dancer.” I said, I had to concentrate to keep my breathing regular.  
“You’re jealous.” He said, definitely not a question.  
“No,” I lied, then sighed, “maybe a little, but I just don’t know that much about you and him, you always talked to Louis about this sort of thing.”   
“Oh, sorry.” He said.  
“No, don’t be, it’s not your fault.” I told him. I knew it was me, I was never the go to person he could talk to. 

Niall got up from the couch, heading to the door.  
“Where are you going?” I asked.  
He looked taken aback, “Er...to see Louis?” He said uncertainly, “Is that okay?”  
“Yes, sorry, yeah, its fine.” I told him standing up too. “Let me drive you.”  
“I can walk, you don’t have to.” He said, shrugging.  
“No, please...” I begged, it actually scared me to death, the thought of letting Niall go out, I had never been keen on it, he didn’t know that now, but he could assume it was because of the accident.   
“Okay.” He agreed, it was never that hard to get Niall to agree with me. I’m glad that hasn’t changed.

I grabbed my keys while Niall waited by the door. When we got to the garage with our identical Range Rovers Niall waited for me to walk to mine.   
“We have matching cars?” He asked.  
“That was before we started dating...” I trailed off. Niall nodded.  
“We have good taste.” He smiled. That smile went straight to my stomach which filled with butterflies. I smiled and nodded. 

I pulled out of the drive when Niall spoke again.   
“I’m going to have questions Harry.” He began, “If Louis can’t answer them then... I’m going to need you to.” He looked at me briefly before turning back towards the road.   
“I know, I...I can try.” I said, he just nodded. 

It only takes a minute to drive around the corner to Louis’ place. I buzz us in and use my key to let us in. Louis is in the shower so I go into the bathroom to let him know I’m leaving Niall here for a while.

“Fuck Harry, don’t creep up on me like that!” Louis said as he turned around to see me standing in the doorway.  
“He wants to know about Kyle.” I told Louis as he rinsed his hair out. “You know more than me.”  
“Yeah, that’s fine.” He stepped out and I handed him his towel. 

“Is there anything I should know too?” I ask hesitantly.   
“Harry, if Niall never told you in two and a half years, why would you need to know now. He never stopped loving you, regardless of anything that happened with Kyle.” Louis said.  
“Right, okay. Can you drive him home after? Or message me, I’ll pick him up.” I said.  
“Ever over protective, Haz?” Louis smirked.  
“Fuck off, Lou.” I said and went to check Niall was ok before leaving.

He was looking at some of the pictures Louis had in a photo book on his coffee table.   
“Louis will drop you back home when you want. Or call me, I’ll pick you up if he’s had anything to drink.” I told him. “Actually, just call me, I’m not doing anything.”   
“I’ll be fine, thanks though.” He said. I gave him a worried look. He sighed, “I’ll call, okay?”  
“Thank you.” I said and left, locking the door behind me.   
“Yes, he has always been that overbearing, how you put up with him? I’ll never know!”, I could hear Louis say to an unasked question, Niall laughs and my stomach flies again.


	7. Chapter 7

Niall’s POV  
“Yes, he has always been that overbearing, how you put up with him? I’ll never know!” Louis says as he comes down the stairs, rubbing his hair with a towel. I laugh.  
“It’s kind of nice, to know he cares.” I said.

“He does, he has some stupid ways of showing it but he does care.” Louis says and sits on the couch opposite me. “He said you had some questions.”  
“Yeah, about him and Kyle mostly, and Ashton too I guess.” I said. “What was the go with Kyle and I? I don’t feel like it ended when Harry thinks it did. I wasn’t...cheating on Harry was I?”   
“No! Never Ni, you are so loyal. No, Kyle is a friend, you’re friends. He was just a friend when you two were...experimenting...too.” Louis said.  
“We weren’t dating?” I asked surprised.  
“No, he is a friend of mine, I got him the job with the 5SOS boys. He agreed to help you out when you came to me all confused about liking boys. We’re friends. Harry doesn’t like it though.” Louis said. “Maybe that’s why you feel like you were creeping around. He is here a lot, he’s a good mate, Harry didn’t lie you being here with Kyle so you never told him you still hung out. Nothing ever happened though. Kyle is more into the big, buff, bulky guys.”  
“Are you calling me scrawny?” I teased, smiling. Louis laughed and gave me a light punch on the arm. I winced. My body was still so sore.  
“Oh, Sorry Ni!” He said looking very sorry. “I forgot, fuck.”   
“It’s fine.” I told him. He nodded.

“What else did you want to know?” Louis asked.  
I thought for a moment. “Did I know Harry had cheated on me?” Louis looked shocked, then angry.  
“Niall...” he said.  
“Louis please just tell me.” I said.  
“Yes, I told you, but you knew already.” He said. “You were waiting for Harry to break up with you, it just never happened.”   
“What was wrong with me? Why would I put up with that?” I asked.  
“You loved him Niall, and you knew it wouldn’t work out between him and Ash. You were just waiting for it to “fizzle out”, as you said.” Louis explained.   
“I feel it still, the love, I don’t want to, at first it felt like I was in love with my band mate.” I explained. “Now it’s just a burden, he’ll hurt me again. I already know it.” I told Louis who got up and shifted to my side.   
“We don’t know it, but there is also no reason you need to jump back into a relationship with him Niall.” Louis said. I nodded.

“I feel like I need to start from the beginning Lou.” I said. “Like maybe find another Kyle. I don’t feel ready for Harry.” Louis’ expression was unreadable.  
“Harry will hate it.” He finally said.   
“I know...I feel so selfish even considering it.” I said. Louis shook his head.  
“You’re not selfish Ni.” He said. “This has got to be so confusing for you.”   
I nodded. Maybe I should move out for a while, stay here or something.

Louis tensed up. “Niall...you know I care about you and what you’re going through but...Harry...he’s fragile too...he won’t handle it if you move out.”  
I felt anger rise in me before it fizzled quickly, I sighed. “Would it not hurt him more if I bring home some guy?”  
“To be honest, no, I don’t think so. He is so protective of you, it would be killing him to see you with someone else, but at least he’d know he could be there if you needed him.” 

I nodded just as my phone lit up. Harry had sent a message asking what I wanted for dinner.   
“He needs to look after you.” Louis said, motioning to the phone. “You knew that was going to be the hardest part of being with him when you started dating.” I flicked through the previous messages, the more I read the more I saw that Harry really did care and worry. He was constantly checking to see what I wanted. Checking to see where I was. The last one before the accident was the most heart wrenching. It read, “I know you’re mad and I’m a dick but can you please call. I’m scared, Louis said you left his place an hour ago. I can call a cab, just tell me where you are. Please. I’m begging you!”

“What happened before the accident?” I asked Louis after reading the message.  
“You came here after a fight with Harry. You said he’d called you a prude cos you wouldn’t blow him.” Louis said without wavering.   
“Jesus, I actually tell you all that? In that detail!” I said shocked.   
“Yes, sorry, I forget you probably still feel like you’re 17.” He said, “It’s nothing new to me, you worked that out, I lived with Harry long enough to get over all his ‘openness’.”

“Why wouldn’t I...er...blow...him.” I mumbled.   
“I don’t know, you said you didn’t feel like it. He hadn’t had a shower or something.” He said. I crinkled my nose.   
“Sounds about right.” I said. I typed a reply to Harry saying I wasn’t fussed.

“I can’t say I blamed you.” Louis laughed. “Did you have any more questions?”  
“Yes, but...they can wait.” I told him.  
“Okay, did you want to go for a swim?” Louis asked, “It might help your bruising?”  
“Sure.” I got up and we headed out to the pool, Louis grabbed two towels from the pool room, striped down to his boxers and did a bombie straight in. I stepped out of my clothes and slid in slowly, letting the water cool my bruises. 

“Do you remember anything?” Louis asked as he waded towards me.   
“Yes, little bits.” I said, blushing.  
“What’s the blush for?” He laughed.  
I smiled. “Nothing, I don’t even think it’s true.” I looked at him questioningly.   
“Is it about me?” He asked knowingly. I frown playfully.  
“Yes, you dick, just tell me if it’s real! You obviously know what it is.” I said, thinking this is maybe why he asked to go for a swim.   
“We did, just innocent things, you, me and Kyle, sometimes just you and me, like here in the pool.”   
“You gave me a hand job.” I said.   
“Yes, that was about the extent of it. All heads above water.” Louis smirked. I blushed furiously as he moved closer and gently pressed his body to mine.   
“We never did this when I was with Harry, did we?” I asked, suddenly worried.   
“No, of course not. Are you with him now?” Louis asked, moving back slightly.  
“No, I don’t think so.” I said. My phone buzzed again from the side of the pool.   
“Do you want to check?” Louis asked.   
“What? Like message him?” I asked. “What would I say?”  
“Just ask.” Louis said, “He’ll know why but at least you asked.”  
“That seems so strange, you have all grown up so much and I still feel like I’m a kid.” I admitted.   
“Here, let me.” Louis said and took my phone off the towel it was on. He typed and then showed me.   
“Hey Haz, It’s Lou, Niall needs to know if you and him are actually together or not. I can’t answer that.” It read.  
“What if he says yes,” I ask.   
“Then we don’t do anything, it’s fine babe.” Louis said, holding the phone in one hand as he rested on the edge of the pool. “We don’t have to do anything at all if you don’t want to. I just thought while I’m a Single Pringle I can be your "Kyle" while you work things out again.”  
“Yeah, I’d like that Lou.” I said just as my phone buzzed in his hand.   
“Lou: :( I guess not... he never said we were, I just kissed him, I didn’t think about him not wanting it. Ni: I get that you need some space, I love you xoxo”  
“There is your answer.” Louis said sadly. “Do you love him?”   
“Yes, of course, he’s right though, I need this too.” I said and tentatively put my hand to Louis waist. He put the phone down and wrapped his arm around me gently.   
“What do you want to do? How far?” He asked.  
“Just kissing, maybe a little more.” I told him honestly. I knew if I did get back with Harry I had to save myself for him. 

“You were a virgin for him, weren’t you?” Louis asked.  
My face heated like crazy. Louis smiled. “Sorry, I already knew that, I shouldn’t embarrass you like that.”  
I frowned at him. “Be nice Louis.” He leant forward and kissed me lightly on the lips, nudging my nose. I deepened the kiss and he parted his lips. His tongue entered my mouth, it was soft and gently probing. I pulled back slowly, smiling. Louis laughed.   
“Fuck you are cute a hell, it is literally like kissing 17-year-old Niall again.”  
“Fuck off, I’m not that bad.” I pouted.  
“No, but you did improve with practice. It’s fun, doing it all again.” He said and took my lips again.

 ***IF YOU DON’T LIKE SMUT THEN SKIP TO THE NEXT CHAPTER NOW*** 

He kissed harder this time, forcing me to respond. It felt familiar, I blocked the worry building in my mind and just kissed him back. Louis moaned and pressed his body onto mine again.   
“That’s more like it.” He whispered on my lips before continuing. I ran my hands gently over his body, he was so toned, more than I remember. I felt his hands explore too. I knew I was so much slimmer and angular than three years ago. I gasped as he slipped his hands down to my bum.   
“Sorry, too fast?” Louis said.  
“Er, no, I guess it’s fine.” I said. Louis gently squeezed my bum, looking for a change in my expression. I smiled.  
“Okay,” he smiled back, “Tell me if you want to stop, I will and I won’t care.” I nodded before kissing him again. I ran my fingers down his back from his shoulder blades to his waistband before hesitating.   
“You want me to take them off?” He whispered. I gave him a small nod and watched as his member sprung free. It was around the same size as mine had grown to be. Maybe a bit thicker.

He then carefully started to pull mine down too. A question in his expression asked if it was okay. I nodded again. He looked surprised to see my size.   
“I bet you were surprised to see that when you woke up.” He smiled gently. I blushed. I had been a late bloomer. I buried my face into his collarbone. “Aww, babe, don’t be shy.”  
“I can’t believe I let you see ‘it’ when I was so much smaller.” I mumbled into his collar bone. 

“There was nothing wrong with your cock Niall.” Louis smiled and lifted my face from my chin and kissed me again. “You were so sweet and young.” His hand then travelled back down between our bodies and grasped my penis. I shuddered. “You didn’t last long either, do you remember?” I shook my head, my face burning again. 

“It was special, you know, like you trusted me.” He said and I just nodded. Louis talked so much. I held him close, feeling his cock rest on my stomach. That was enough to push me over. I groaned and shuddered, pushing my head deep into Louis’ neck again.   
“Fuck Louis, fuck I can’t...hmmm.” I came hard into the pool water, the white gel forming a plume between us. “Ewww.” I pushed the water around to disperse it. Louis laughed.  
I pouted, “It’s gross.”   
“No, it’s not.” He grinned. “Do you think you can help me out too, babe?” He asked.  
I nodded and spun us around in the water so he had his back to the pool edge. I gingerly took his swollen cock in my hand and worked him over. He pulled my head round to look him in the eye. “Are you okay?” he asked.   
“Yes,” I said and kissed him. I felt more confident already. Louis had that effect on me. While Harry could make me feel entirely helpless, Louis made me feel like I could conquer the world. If only I loved Louis and not Harry. But Louis and I could fight, maybe that was a side effect of making me feel so confident. Harry and I, on the other hand, rarely fought about anything. We worked well, mostly.   
It took a while before Louis came. He reassured me I did everything perfectly. I know I didn’t but I wasn’t going to argue. We got out the pool, rinsed off the chlorine and wrapped ourselves in blankets on the couch to watch a movie.


	8. Chapter 8

“You had better message Harry,” Louis said once we were settled on the couch for the movie. “Tell him the movie will be finished in two hours.”  
“Do I really need to?” I said. Louis gave me a questioning look before realising I still had no clue about how Harry and I functioned as a couple.  
“Sorry, yeah, he’ll fret and blame me.” He said, “You’ll get used to it again.” I shrugged and got my phone.  
I text him, “We’re watching a movie, should be done in 2 hours if you want to come and pick me up. Or I can walk, no biggy.”  
I got a reply instantly, “I’ll be there.”  
I put the phone down and lay back into Louis, he wasn’t expecting it but smiled and put his arm around me.

  
“Did we not usually cuddle?” I asked. He shook his head.  
“No, but it’s fine, you and Kyle use to.” He said rubbing my arm gently.  
As the movie played curiosity got the better of me and I picked up my phone again to go through my messages. They might help me to remember things.  
I messaged the boys a lot, and Ashton and Luke. Nothing out of the ordinary came up until I came up to Kyle’s name, we had messages each other a lot. He had tried to convince me to break up with Harry a few times, he said Harry was too controlling.  
I didn’t actually feel like he was. He wanted to know where I was and what I wanted and he didn’t want me to be unsafe but he never stopped me from doing anything. If he was controlling he wouldn’t have let me come here, or mess around with Louis.

  
At some point through the movie I must have fallen asleep because I came back to consciousness with Harry and Louis’ voices quietly talking. I was still resting on Louis’ chest but I felt Harry at my feet.

  
“-sleep with him did you, please tell me you didn’t fuck him?” Harry’s broken voice whispered, he was crying.  
“No Haz, of course not.” Louis said honestly reaching around me to hold Harry’s hand which was resting right over a very sore bruise. I shifted uncomfortably.  
“He hates me Lou.” He said.  
“No, he doesn’t, you fucked up Harry but it would take a lot of big fuck-up’s to break Niall.” Louis told him.  
“He’s not going to leave me? Is he?” Harry asked desperately. Why should I stay? I thought.

  
“I hope not...Harry, you have to remember, you’re dealing with a 17-year-old, he hasn’t dated you, kissed you, slept with you, or anyone for that matter, he hasn’t lived with you, in his mind. It’s all new, you are new to him, and you are not easy to live with, he doesn’t know you will panic if he doesn’t message you, he doesn’t know how much you need him, he doesn’t see you as the puppet you are for him. He doesn’t understand the power he has over you. You’re strong and intendant to him. You’re intimidating.” I don't understand what Louis is saying, I'm not strong or powerful at all.  
“He’s scared of me?” Harry whimpers.A little, yes, I thought.  
“No, I don’t think so, but he doesn’t know what to do with you.” Louis says, spot on as always.

  
“What should I do?” Harry asks.  
“Why not go back to the beginning? What did you do to win him over? How did you tell him you were interested? Go back to that. Show him what he fell in love with. You have to talk to him, answer questions.”  
“...right...back to the beginning...answer questions...I can do that,” Harry says.  
“You’ll be fine Harry, you both will.” Louis said.  
“I hope so.”

  
“You’ve ended it all with Ashton?” Louis said with some venom.  
“Yes, yes, of course, Luke was ready to kill me but Ash was just upset that I hurt Niall, with him.” Harry said sadly. I was too, Ashton was my mate, I don't get why he'd even start something with someone I was with.  
“I don’t blame them.” Louis said.  
“ _We’re_ still friends, aren’t we?” Harry asked Lou with fear lacing his voice.  
“Yes Haz, you’re like a brother, I couldn’t hate you if I tried.” Louis said.

  
“What exactly did you and Niall do?” Harry asked after a long pause. “I need to know.”  
Louis shifted uncomfortably, “Harry, why?”  
“He’s my...Lou, I...” Harry trailed off. I decided now was the right time to stop this conversation. I rolled over in Louis’ arms and opened my eyes. Harry signed before smiling at me sadly. I carefully pushed myself up, holding onto the blanket that was covering me, I forgot we hadn't gotten dressed again after the pool.

  
“You fell asleep” Louis said, standing up and walking naked to his room, “I’ll get you something to wear home.”  
I blushed and nodded, avoiding Harry’s gaze.

  
“It’s fine Ni. I get it.” Harry said. I nodded, got what though? That I had done things with Louis, or that I was embarrassed to be naked in front of him. Louis came back dressed and handed me some of his clothes. I slipped on the shirt, boxers and shorts quickly as I could without it hurting.

  
I made my way to the door after grabbing my phone and waved to Louis.

  
“Thanks Louis, for everything.” I said, Harry visible cringed. I felt terrible.  
“No worries, by boys, let me know if you need anything. Either of you.” Louis said, giving Harry a worried look.  
“Yeah, bye, Lou.” Harry said and locked the door as we left. I got into the Range Rover and waited for Harry to start the car. He got in, started the car and drove us home. When

I got into the Range Rover and waited for Harry to start the car. He got in, started the car and drove us home. When we he pulled into the drive and clicked for the garage door to close he took one look at me and then burst into tears.

  
“Harry?” I said, feeling helpless.  
“I’m sorry”, he choked out, “s...s...sorry, Ni.” He put his head in his arms over the steering wheel.  
He sobbed for what felt like hours. I didn’t know what to do. I reached to place a hand on his shoulder but he gently shrugged it off. He finally took several deep breaths.  
“I can’t believe I put you through this...Niall, I’m so sorry. Fuck this hurts so bad and you didn’t even sleep with him!” He said.  
I understood now, it was because of Louis and I. “Harry, he was just helping me out.” I said softly.

  
“I know...” he said, “Please tell me how far it went.”  
“Just kissing, and a hand job.” I told him, there was no point in keeping it a secret.  
“Will you be doing more?” He asked, slowly regaining his composure.

  
“I...yes...I think so...sorry, that’s not what you want to hear...” I said carefully. He had a lot more invested in this. I knew I loved him but technically I wasn’t in any relationship with him, not that I remembered.

  
“No, it’s not, but Louis said we had to go back to the beginning, I guess he’s right." Harry said. "Can we talk after dinner? I’ll tell you everything.”  
“Ok.” I agreed.

We got out of the car and I could smell an amazing curry. My stomach grumbled loudly.  
“Of course, Louis didn’t feed you.” Harry said with a tiny look of concern. I let it go. He worried so much.  
“It smells amazing.” I told him. He smiled and led me up the stairs. We sat down and ate together.

Harry took the dishes and told me he’d do them later.  
“Do you always cook _and_ do the dishes?” I asked, thinking that it was sort of unfair for him to have to do it all.  
“You break too many plates...” Harry said with a glimpse of a smile.  
“Oh, yeah, sounds about right.”

  
“Niall, do you remember liking me, before...Kyle?” He asked. I guess the talking was beginning.  
“Yes, but you weren’t interested in boys.” I said.  
“Yes I was, you didn’t know.” He said. I nodded slowly. 

  
“Okay.” I said, “What happened, how did we get together?”  
“I went to your place one afternoon, but you had Kyle over.” Harry said, “I got pissed off because you had forgotten we had planned to hang out, just us.”  
“Huh...I remember that, you yelled at me.” I said, fragments coming back. Harry looked surprised.

  
“Yeah, I was jealous. You didn’t even know the guy and you chose him over me, you know, to help you out.” Harry said. “I told you so and you worked out that I liked you.”

"That simple...?" I said.  
He continued, “I left and you let me go home. A week later you came over and acted like nothing happened. I mean, you said I was a spoilt brat who was used to getting everything my way and that I couldn’t always have it my way. You were ranting on, so I kissed you. You kissed me back and that was it, I was yours.”

  
“We were dating after that?” I asked, Harry nodded.  
“You stopped everything with Kyle.” Harry said, I must have been quite good at hiding Kyle and I being friends.   
“You moved in with me three months later when your lease ended.” Harry said. “You were so funny Niall,” Harry laughed, “You insisted you had to bring your bed, you wouldn’t sleep with me and kicked me out when I tried climbing in with you. You even threatened to move back out.”

  
I blushed, I didn’t feel much different now, I know I’ve lost my virginity to this boy but I couldn't remember it and I didn’t feel ready to do it again, not yet.  
“I don’t like rushing things...” I defended, feeling a little hurt.  
“Aww Niall, no of course not, we went slow... _so_ slow...but I loved it. It was special, you know.” He said with a hint of laughter in his voice.  
“When did we... you know?” I asked, intrigued to know just how long Harry held out for me. The longest he had waited previously was one month with his other relationships.

  
“Six months.” He said nonchalantly.  
My mouth dropped. “For me?” I said gobsmacked.  
“Yes, it wasn’t that hard, you needed time to grow, in a few ways,” he winked, ”and we had other fun. We cuddled too, you love cuddles.” My face was on fire, I couldn't be more embarrassed to know Harry knew such personal things about me. Then it occured to me, if we were to get to any sort of relationship, I'd need time again.  
“Would you do it again?” I asked.  
“What?” he said confused.  
“...wait.” I clarified, my heart stopping for a moment as he registered what I was saying.  
“In a heartbeat.” He said sadly. “I’d do anything.”

"Okay." I said. "I think I need to get some sleep, I'm wrecked."

"Right, do you need anything? I made your bed up. I printed out some pictures of us too. I don't know if you want to look at them or not. It was probably stupid. They're on your pillow, you can chuck them out if you want." Harry rambled. 

"I'm fine Harry, I don't need you mothering me." I said, and immidiatly regretted it when Harry's face shattered into a thousand pieces. I took a deep breathe. "Sorry Harry, I know you're used to it. I'm just...not...I'll get use to it I suppose."  

"I can change..."Harry whispered. I shook my head. 

"No, you can't Harry, you shouldn't have to." I told him and squeezed his hand before going to my room.

The pictures on the pillow staring up at me like a dog waiting for a stick. 

 


	9. Chapter 9

Harry’s POV

I was in the kitchen when I heard Niall talking on the phone to his mum. I knew I shouldn't have eavesdropped but I needed to get to know what was going through his head.  
“Yeah, mum I know we were cute, I've seen the pictures, and I know Harry, he's cute with anyone.”  
“No it doesn't prove anything, I've always thought he was cute mum.”  
He paused while she spoke.  
“I don't remember.”  
Another pause.  
“I'll try mum, it's not as easy as you think though…..yeah, love you too.”  
He hung up and started shuffling around his room.

  
I went back to the dishes I was working on.  
He came in not long after, he was wearing trackies and a hoodie of mine.  
“Morning.” He said.  
“How at you feeling today?” I asked.  
“Mm, fine.” He said looking at me curiously. “You?”  
I shrugged. I didn't realise he cared.  
“Mum said hi.” He said, looking to see my reaction.  
“Okay, how is she?”  
“Disappointed,” he said honestly.  
“Harry, were we…did we laugh a lot?” He asked, seemingly out of the blue.  
“Yes, we had fun, I guess it hasn't seemed that way since you woke up though, has it.”Niall shrugged.  
“We looked happy in the pictures.” He said.  
I nodded. I didn't know what more to say, we were awesome in the good times, I screwed it up, I know that.

  
“We could be like that again.” I said. My heart shattered though when Niall shook his head.  
“Ni, please don't give up.” I pleaded, terrified.  
“Harry, settle down! I didn't mean it like that, just…how can I trust I won't let you hurt me again?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Louis said I knew you cheated on me.” He said. I was shocked, he never knew, I'm sure of it.  
“You never said anything Niall, you couldn't have known.” I told him.  
“Well, I knew, and I did nothing, I let you hurt me.” Niall said.”I let Ashton hurt me. Who’s to say I won't let you do it all again?”

  
“I won't hurt you, I promise, never again.” I told him.  
“It's not you I'm worried about Harry, I stayed with you, when I shouldn't have. I don't know how to explain it. I can't get it out of my head though.”  
“I'm not going to force you to be with me again Niall, but will you at least let me try?” I asked stepping towards him and holding his arms.  
Niall just froze. “Not yet.”  
I had to take it. Those two words swam through my head. Not yet. Maybe there is hope. I just need to prove it to him.  
I nodded and leant in to kiss him on the forehead. He tensed momentarily before leaning in to my lips. There is hope. I released him and started packing away the dishes.

“Are you doing anything today?” He asked after a minute of silence.  
“Umm, hadn't thought about it. No, maybe drop into the store.” I told him. “Did you need anything, did you need a lift anywhere?”  
He looked down at the ground and mumbled, “Could we see if I remember how to drive?”  
“What? I guess, do you think it's safe?” I asked.  
“I don't see why not.” He said.  
“Have some breakfast and get changed, I'm having a shower and then we can go.” I told him before heading off to shower.  
When I got out I wrapped my towel around my waist and went to get dressed. Only to find Niall sitting on our bed. He looked up and stared at me for a moment before snapping out of it.  
“I can't find my clothes…” he stammered.He couldn't find his clothes because we shared a closet and I had only got a suitcase worth of clothes out, we shared most of them.  
“You can just take them from our…sorry, my room. We shared most of them. It was easier.” I explained. He got up and followed me to the closet.

I dropped my towel and started getting dressed myself. I couldn't help but smile widely when I caught Niall staring again.  
“Like what you see?” I teased.  
Niall blushed. “You’ve always been beautiful.” He said and got dressed himself. I couldn't help myself as I reached out and stroked his side.  
“So have you.” I told him gently. He quickly pulled on his shirt before facing me.  
“Let's go.” He said and the moment was gone.

I hopped into Niall's car after handing him the key. He looked nervously at the wheel. 

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yes, I feel like I've never done this before though." He admitted. It then occurred to me that this might be what Niall is feeling when it comes to us too. Like he's never done it before. It all finally sinks in, Louis had said to start from the beginning but really I just told Niall what the beginning was, I didn't start it again. 

Niall backed the car out, the start was jumpy but he got better by the time we were moving forward. 

"Okay, I think I've got this." He said with some confidence. "Where am I driving to?" He asked.

"Um, that way, we'll go to the shops." I told him. 

"I'm doing okay, aren't I?" He asked needing reassurance.

"Yeah Baby," I smiled. He frowned for a moment before looking sidelong at me quickly and smiling. 

I did the shopping, Niall in tow, before he drove home again. Things seemed almost normal. Until we got home.

Niall pulled in just short of the garage door. 

"Are you not going to park?" I asked, confused.

"I'm heading out." He said.

"Where?" I said. He frowned.

"I'm not a little kid Harry. I can go out if I like." He said sharply. Niall never spoke to me like that. He never questioned my worry about him. I got out, grabbed the bags of groceries and slammed the door before the tears started streaking down my face. I couldn't let him see though. I hurried inside and quickly packed the groceries away. My body shook as the sobs took over my body. I thought things were finally going a bit better. But of course they aren't, I screw everything up.

"Harry." Niall's voice suddenly said. He was standing at the kitchen door looking guilty. I wiped my face quickly and turned away. 

"I'm sorry I'm so demanding." I told him coldly, still turned away.

"Dont be like this, please." He said, his voice closer.

"I can't help it, Niall." I sobbed. Niall's arms wrapped around me, holding me close to him. I turned and held onto him tight. He breathed in sharply and I remembered he was still sore. I loosened my grip but buried my head into his neck.

"I'm going to Louis', I won't be long, I'll be back before noon." He said. I couldn't move, I didn't want to let go of him. 

"What are you going to do there?" I asked, I knew the answer would torture me. 

Niall sighed, "I don't know, just talk I guess." He was lying, I knew it, but I had to accept it. Niall pushed back, forcing me to release him. He gently stroked my cheek before leaving. 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

I messaged Niall 5 minutes after he left to see if he made it to Louis' okay. And then Messaged Louis, just in case. They both replied saying he was fine and not to worry.

I did everything I could to keep myself from messaging Niall again while he was at Louis'. I washed the floors, cleaned the bathrooms and did the laundry. I finally sat down at 12 and decided I could message him, check to see if he was still coming home soon, he had said noon.  
"Hey, are you okay? Have you had anything to drink? Did you need me to walk round and drive you home?" I texted him.  
His reply came quickly. It made me smile.  
"I'm fine, no and no, sorry I lost track of time. I'll come home now. x "  
He always ended texts to me with an x. I wonder if he meant to or it was force of habit that is creeping back.  
Shortly after Louis and Niall both walk through the door.  
"Hey bro, you alright?" Louis asked as they joined him on the couch, Louis taking the single, forcing Niall to sit beside me. I nodded.  
"You just look stressed." Louis said, worry tinting his voice.  
"What did you two get up to?" I asked before regretting it.  
"Not a lot, just same old." Niall vaguely filled in, giving me a small smile. He melted my heart every time he smiled and he had no idea.  
"We thought you'd like some company though." Louis said, I looked at Niall who nodded.  
"Can we do something fun?" I asked.  
"Like what?" Said Louis.  
"Like, Lazer tag." I said. Both boys smiled and nodded.  
"Sure, just us?" Niall asked.  
"I'll message Liam, Luke and Ashton." Louis said. I hesitated before nodding in agreement. 

We took Niall's car, Louis drove while Niall sat shotgun and I was in the back. 

"It's been cool listening to all the music we made the last few years." Niall said out of the blue.

"Yeah, we wrote some good stuff." I agreed. "Does it help bring back anything?" 

"Mhmm, a bit, I remember the reason I wrote one of them." 

"Please don't." Louis said, pretending to gag. Niall laughed but gave me a small wink. I couldn't help the huge grin that took over my face. The look On Niall's face suggested my smile had a similar effect on him as his did for me.

"Did the boys reply?" I check in with Louis. 

"Liam is coming, Luke and Ash are busy." He said.


	11. Chapter 11

Liam arrived a few minute after us and we head in to the Lazer Tag building. Niall grabbed the two blue vests and handed one to Louis. Leaving me and Liam the red ones. Or so I thought, he handed the other blue vest to Liam and took a red one. He nodded to thee other red vest.   
“Are you ready to be target practice for them?” He asked me. We both knew neither of us were competitive at all while both Liam and Louis would fight to the death.   
“Sure am.” I smiled and slipped on the vest.   
We head into the fight zone and Niall and I let the others run off before the game began.  
“So are we going to be tactical?” I asked.  
“You mean hide and hope they somehow pass us and we get them before they get us?” Niall grinned.  
“Ha, yeah, I guess so.” 

We hid beneath a stair case on the second floor, hoping that we had a good vantage point while still being hidden.   
“Ouch, Harry, get off.” Niall said as I tried to squash in beside him.   
“Sorry, my bad,” I said and got up, pulling him up too. “Here, sit on me.” I said and pulled him back down once I sat. He hesitated for a moment before making himself comfortable.   
He took a deep breath in and out. 

“Is this too uncomfortable for you?” I asked him, hoping the answer would be ‘no’.  
“No, it...it’s just scares me...how familiar it feels.” He said quietly. I wrapped my arms around him carefully. He didn’t move. We sat for several minutes before I saw Liam and Louis on either side of the building we were sitting in. The mesh walls gave us a good shot of them both.  
I pointed to Niall and then Louis, then myself and Liam. Niall nodded and turned to aim.

“Go.” I whispered and we fired at them both. I missed, twice, but Liam looked the wrong way so he didn’t see my lights blink. I fired a third time and got him. Niall somehow got Louis on the first try but also gave away our hiding spot. Louis came charging up, calling to Liam. Niall just cowered into my lap. Hopeless.  
“Niall! run!” I said, shoving him off. He got up and scrambled up the flight of stairs we were under just as Louis got a shot at me. Liam was now on our tails too.   
“Left!” I yelled to Niall who went right, of course. “Other left!”  
“Oops!” He laughed. As we bolted for the steps to go down. Niall took two at a time while I jumped the whole flight after him. We then pelted across to another building.

“I...think....we...lost...them..” Niall puffed.  
“You are so unfit, babe.” I laughed. He just punched my arm lightly as he gasped for air.  
“Let's find a new spot to sit, I can’t do all this running.” Niall said once he got his breath back. I could here the boys nearby so I just nodded. We made our way out of the building just as Louis and Liam turned the corner.  
“I’ll run, you hide.” I told him and took off before I got a reply.

“Oi!” Louis’ voice said as they both started chasing me.  
I ran around two blocks without losing Liam. Dam he was fit! Louis had given up on the chase after half a block. He was nowhere to be found. It wasn’t long before my vest lit up as Liam got a shot in. I turned around and fired a few off to get him back at least. 

“Okay, Okay, we’re even, let’s find the others.” Liam said, holding his hands up.  
“I left Niall hiding in a block at the other end.” We made our way back over. Had I known what I was going to see when we got back I would have just let Liam shoot me for real. 

Niall was still in his hiding spot, but so was Louis. Niall had straddled Louis, Louis’ hands under Niall’s shirt. They both got up when they heard us approach but it was too late, I’d seen them. I felt a knot in my chest that wouldn’t go away. Their lips looked swollen, they’d been kissing. 

“Louis! You’re not meant to befriend the enemy!” Liam said laughing.  
“Or kiss them.” I spat and strode off.  
“Harry!” Louis called before shooting at me to get my attention. My vest flashed and I kept going, I heard Niall running after me. He puffed so loud, how could I not here him.  
“Harry, wait...please.” He said as I rounded the corner. I ducked into an alcove and slid down the wall. 

“It’s fine Niall. I know you’re just trying to find yourself again.” I told him as he sat beside me.  
“What bothers you so much about what I’m doing with Louis then?” He asked genuinely.  
I aused and thought for a moment, “I’m missing out, again.” I told him.  
“On what, making out with me? What do you mean by again?” He asked.

“No, you...you wouldn’t understand, you can’t remember.” I said and I know it came out harsher than I meant it.  
“No, you’re right Harry, I can’t remember. I just see you acting like you own me and you almost get me to believe it sometimes.” Niall said.  
“I don’t own you Niall, I know that, I never owned you. It’s like you don’t trust me to be the person to teach you everything, to be kind and go slow, I guess that is what hurts.” I tried to explain.  
Niall just stared at me, processing what I was saying.   
“You think I’ll just push you to go fast, to be in a full relationship with me again, but I won’t, I wouldn’t have the first time either but you went to someone else then as well. Never me.” I continued.

“It’s scary Harry.” Niall finally said.  
“So trust me to get you through it.” I pleaded. “There is nothing Louis can do that I can’t.”   
“He talks.” Niall said.  
“I can talk, I can do anything you need me to do Niall.” I said, “Just give me a chance.”  
“And what if it doesn’t work?” He asked.  
“Then you can go back to Louis, or even Kyle, I won’t argue, I won’t say you’re cheating on me, it would be fine.” I promised looking right at him.  
“Okay.” He said and gently took my hand. 

“There you are!” Louis said, his look of concern changed to a smile when he saw our hands.  
“All good?” Liam asked. I nodded as Niall got up and pulled me to my feet.   
“Lets mix things up a bit, Give me your vest Haz.” Liam said handing me his vest, I obliged and handed him mine.   
“Now the teams are a bit more even.” Louis said, “Come on.” He grabbed my hand and took off, I kept up easily. When we were a good distance away Louis pulled me into a big room with pillars. 

“I’m sorry you had to see it.” He said honestly as we walked through the room.   
“I know, it’s Niall, he doesn’t think, he never has.” I told him, “He said he’d give me a shot though.”  
“Really?! Like, dating?” He asked surprised.  
“Hmm, no, I think just as good friends, it's up to him. I know what I did was wrong, but I don’t want to miss out on showing him all the little things, showing him how good I can make him feel with just a cuddle how he likes.”  
“He is a real cuddle bug, isn’t he?” Louis said, “I’m no good at cuddling.”   
“I don’t think he thinks I can go slow.” I told him in a whisper as we saw Liam and Niall creep down the side of the building we were in. “I can though, I did it before and I’m sort of excited to do it again.”  
“You are such a big softy when it comes to Niall,” Louis smirked, “It’s gross.” I gave him a quick punch. 

We decided to make an attack from behind. Poor Niall had no chance, Liam ended up giving him a piggy back to get away from us, but even then he racked up the most points and lost for their team. 

I felt like today had been such an emotional rollercoaster, but there was some light at the end of the tunnel. Niall sat beside me on the way home, Liam had caught a taxi in so we gave him a lift home before Louis drove to his house. 

“I’ll drive.” I told Niall and got into the driver’s seat. The seat was warm still from Louis’ bum. 

“I’ll be right back,” he said before following Louis inside. I nodded and couldn’t help but feel my stomach sink. I need to trust he wasn’t going to go back on what he said. Niall didn’t do that.   
Shortly after he came back with a backpack I hadn’t seen before. He hopped in and buckled up.   
“What’s in the bag?” I asked.  
“You really need to know everything, don’t you.” He said, shoving the bag down between his feet. When I didn’t stop looking at him, he sighed, “Just a few things I kept at Louis’, he said it’d help me fill in the gaps.”  
I nodded and drove home. “Does it really bother you?” I asked him.

“That you’re nosey? No, it’s weird, but I don’t really care. Louis said I am probably responsible for it because I always let you get away with it.” Niall grinned.   
“He has something to say about everything.” I mumbled and Niall laughed.   
“He has a lot of good to say about you.” Niall said.  
“Really?” I pulled into the garage and unbelted. “Like what?”

“That you care, you’re dedicated, you’re patient when I get frustrated with you and throw a tantrum.” He said. I nodded, I never retaliated to Niall’s yelling, there was no point and he wasn’t physical like some people I’ve dated so it was just easier to let him get it out and then soften him up with a cuddle.   
“You throw a good tantrum.” I grinned.  
“I’ve heard...I never hurt you, did I?” He asked, worried.   
“No Niall, and even if you tried I doubt you could do much damage.” I smirked. Niall frowned. 

“Louis said he hit me over the head once, When I was yelling at you over something. He said you knocked him out.” Niall continued, “I don’t ever remember anyone but Liam being physical like that though, and Liam only hit walls.”   
“Yeah, I shouldn’t have done it, Louis never trusted me again, especially when he didn’t even hit you hard, he was just joking around, trying to snap you out of it.” I told him. “That was the only time, although I doubt Louis would ever lay a hand on you again while I’m around.”  
“He was scared today, he kept trying to tell me to get off...” Niall said. “I should have listened, neither of you deserved that.” 

“I won’t lie, it hurt, it felt like you didn’t even want to try and remember that we were in a relationship for two and a half years.” I told him.

“I guess I didn’t...don’t want to remember, I feel things sometimes and then I remember that you cheated on me and I try to just block it all out.” Niall said, fiddling with his hands.  
“We have so much together though Niall, I know what I did was wrong but you said yourself that you knew about it and you still stayed with me. Surely that says something about what we had. You knew I was going to come back to you and you even knew you’d forgive me.”  
“That doesn’t make it okay Harry!” Niall said, arching up.  
“NO! No, sorry, you’re right, it doesn’t, but you love me, you know it, and you know I love you...” I defended.   
Niall got out of the car then, taking the bag with him. He was blinking back tears furiously. He walked to the front door and waited for me to get out and open it. I did so without trying to get him to talk. 

He went to his room and shut the door. I didn’t hear from him until I had dinner ready. 

“Hey...” he said from the door way, his hair was wet from showering and he was wrapped up in a ‘too big’ hoodie of mine.  
“Hey, are you okay?” I asked, feeling bad about earlier. I pushed him too fast.   
He nodded. “You’re a lot to take in Harry.” He said before sitting at the table.   
“I’ve been told.” I said, serving out the vegie soup I’d made. He pulled out a picture he had in his pocket. It was of me and him. He was attached to my front like a koala and I was just looking down at him smiling. It was taken the week before I cheated on him with Ashton. He put the picture down and fished in his pocket for another. He blushed red when he put it on the table. It was a selfie I’d taken while we had sex one night, Niall looked so young, it must have been one of our first times. I don’t know why that was at Louis’.

“Why did Louis have those?” I asked curiously.  
“He didn’t, I did, I had them in a box at his.” Niall shrugged, he obviously didn’t know why he kept them there.   
“Do they help?” I asked, putting a hand on his shoulder as I set his soup down. He nodded.

We ate our soup, Niall kept pulling photo’s out of his pocket, some of us when we went on a holiday, some from on tour, some just silly selfies taken on the couch. All of us though. Until he pulled out one of him with Kyle in Louis’ pool, Kyle had his arms around a very young Niall as they faced Louis. I didn’t notice I was in the background until Niall pointed it out to me. I looked angry. 

“You were protective, right from the start.” Niall said. I nodded, I was always protective of him, even before there was any romantic agenda. 

Once we finished Niall scooped up all the pictures and took them back to his room, bringing out his quilt and pillow.  
“Movie?” he asked. I couldn’t respond quick enough.  
“Yes, I’ll just clean up.” I said. Niall came to help, drying the dishes, he almost dropped one and looked guiltily at me.  
“I promise I did not do that on purpose!” he said and I just laughed and shook my head.

“Go get the movie ready, I’m just going to shower, I feel dirty from all the running.” I said, knowing Niall hated smelly boys. He just nodded and went to the lounge room.  
I headed down after a shower and sat beside Niall. He eyeballed me at first before blowing out a breath and pressing play. I forgot he might not be as used to my nakedness. He hadn’t ever lived with me three years ago, I was living with Louis and he never cared.   
“Do you want me to get dressed?” I asked. His ears went red.   
“I don’t want to tell you what to do...” Niall said. I got up and pulled on some track pants that were hanging on the railing for the stairs.  
“I don’t mind Niall.” I told him.   
“Okay...do you want to...share my blanket?” Niall asked shyly. I couldn’t help the grin that shot across my face. I quickly shuffled over to Niall and lay between his legs with my back against his chest. He loved being the bigger spoon when we lay together. Niall tentatively lay his right hand over my chest where I interlaced my fingers with his. I could feel his heart beating a thousand miles a minute.

“I do love you Harry.” He said in an almost whisper. I squeezed his hand and said. “I know.”


	12. Chapter 12

I woke up, alone, again. Truth be told, it was getting lonely without Niall in our huge king size bed. I got up and showered. I could here Niall moving around the kitchen.

It wasn’t until I started making my way down the stairs I realised someone else was here. Someone I hadn’t spoken to for a while now. 

“Zee, seriously, relax, if he comes down and you have to leave, then leave, but stop stressing,” I heard Niall tell him. I scoffed, if only Niall knew that for the past year it was Niall who was determined not to see Zayn.   
I heard Zayn mumble something back.  
“What have you been up to?” Niall asked. I decided I’d listen in for a while, see what Zayn said, if he told him what happened or why we weren’t close anymore.   
“Not a great deal, you know, music, girls, pot.” He answered.   
“What? Really? Wh..Girls? What about Perry?” Niall asked confused.  
“We broke up, you can google it, it’s all up there.” Zayn said harshly.  
“Oh, okay.” Niall quietened.

I had never heard him be so unsure in front of Zayn. Zayn was always...pliable for Niall, nothing was too big and ask if it came from Niall. Until he left the band, then it all changed. And from Zayn’s tone with Niall now it didn’t seem to have gotten that much better. Zayn resented us all, we didn’t know why. He never said.

“Sorry, I...I’ve done some pretty shite stuff over the last few years Niall. I changed, drifted I guess.” Zayn admitted. I crept down further to see if I could get a view of them.   
“I know.” Niall said. Zayn looked at him questioningly so Niall continued, “I’ve been reading back through texts, from you and the boys, and tweets and all that. Louis said what happened too.”  
“He told you everything?” Zayn said uncertainly.

I know what he was questioning. Zayn had specifically targeted Niall, several times, just before he left. He was the one who outed Niall to the rest of us, calling him a faggot and shoving him away after Niall had sat on his lap to watch a film when all the other couches were taken. Niall had only told Zayn, the rest of us had no clue until then. “Yeah, that’s right, he’s a faggot,” he had sneered at Niall before storming off. Niall didn’t care that we knew, he cared that Zayn of all people had really tried to hurt him with it. 

“I...I guess not...by the look you’re giving me...” Niall said uncertainly. I braced myself to leap down the stairs if Zayn even considered lashing out at Niall.   
“I don’t really want to tell you...” Zayn said honestly, “I never even apologised either.”

Niall looked up towards my room then, as if searching for help. He spotted me watching, but didn’t say anything to Zayn.   
“Maybe you should go Zayn.” Niall said slowly.   
“If I tell you...you’ll hate me again.” Zayn said.   
“I don’t know...maybe...I can’t imagine you doing anything to me Zee...you were my best friend.” Niall said.  
“Fuck, Niall I was an asshole.” Zayn said. “I still am, Liam and Harry riled me up and I retaliate so much worse. It’s like I can’t control it anymore.”

Niall remained silent. Waiting for Zayn to continue.  
Zayn let out a short sigh and dropped eye contact with Niall, looking at his feet instead.  
“I guess the worse was when I called you a faggot in front of all the guys. I shoved you to the floor and laughed and left you there.” Zayn looked up to check Niall’s reaction. “They hadn’t known before then.”

Niall looked visibly upset. He was trying to hold back tears and remain calm. I got up and strode down the stairs quickly, catching Zayn by surprise.   
“Harry...I...” He stammered as he got up from the couch and took a few strides back.  
“Was leaving?” I said and sat beside Niall who nodded while Zayn grabbed his keys and left, slamming the door behind him. I pulled Niall gently into my lap and held him when he let go of the tears. He didn’t make any noise. Just cried silently into my chest. I couldn’t help a few tears forming too.

“He’s a dick Niall, you didn’t deserve anything he did to you, okay?” I murmured to him.   
“Fuck, I knew it was bad between you guys and him but I didn’t realise I was in it too.” Niall admitted, “Why did he even see me after the accident?”  
“I don’t know, he regrets it, I’m sure, but he just doesn’t know how to fix things, he never was good at saying sorry.” I said.   
“I guess not.” Niall said and rest his head on my chest. The tears had stopped. Thank god. It was awful seeing Niall cry. 

“When did it start?”  
“Him and Louis used to fight a bit, you’d remember. They were best buddies one night then at each other’s throats the next. S’ what pot does to you I guess.” I said. “Liam and I didn’t help either, we argued with both Louis and Zayn.”  
“I didn’t?” he asked.  
“No, it upset you, you hated when we all fought.” I told him, remembering Niall crying in meetings or leaving the room if anyone started fighting. “That was why it was so surprising that he wanted to hurt you of all people so badly.”

“Louis came round once Zayn started that. He couldn’t back that up.” I continued, “He probably told you the rest.”   
Niall nodded, “Mmmhmm, I think so.”  
“Forget about him Ni, we have each other.” I told him and lent down to kiss his neck. He pulled back then and sat next to me rather than in my arms.  
He took a deep breath in and out before shaking his head, as if to himself, and laying back down onto me.   
“What are you thinking?” I asked him softly.  
“A lot...” he vaguely replied.

“Can I kiss you?” I asked, trying to hide the hopefulness in my voice.   
“Yes.” He said and let his eyes close as I turned his lips towards mine. I couldn’t help but smile against his hesitant mouth, not sure of what he should do.   
“Don’t laugh!” Niall said indignantly and pulled away.   
“Hey, no, sorry, you’re just so cute, that’s all.” I told him, reaching out, “Come back.” 

“This is why I needed time...with Louis...it’s embarrassing...you’re younger than me...I should know more, I should be the one showing you.” Niall whined as I tried to get a grip on his waving hands to bring him back in.  
“Is that all this is about, was that what it was about when you were with Kyle?” I asked, trying my best to force the grin from my face.  
Niall huffed, “I don’t know, do I!”  
“Okay, okay, I get it, but Ni, babe, please, trust me when I say, I have ALWAYS been the one to show you the ropes. This is nothing new, maybe there is a bit more to show you than last time, but not much more babe. Honestly.” I told him as he listened patiently.   
“That makes you sound like a slut Harry.” Niall finally said without mercy. I frowned to try and make him feel bad about calling me a slut. It didn’t work. “Well it does!”, he defended.

“Fine, go to Louis, but I’ll have you know he has DEFINITELY been far more slutty than me.” I said and started to push Niall off me to see what reaction I got. He did exactly what I had hoped for and sat down harder.

“Oh, what’s this?” I tease him, “You want to be with the slut?”  
“Shut up Harry, I mean it.” But there was no strength to his voice.  
“Come to bed with me tonight.” I whispered behind his ear before planting a light kiss there.  
Niall let out a shaky breathe, “ ‘m not ready,” he said. I rubbed up and down his arms gently.  
“We won’t do anything, just cuddle.” I said before adding, “The slut will control himself.”


	13. Chapter 13

Niall sat in silence as I waited for his response. He was still laying back into me. It felt nice, his weight on me again.   
“Can I decide tonight?” He finally said. I lightly kissed his neck and nodded, slightly disappointed..  
“Sure babe,” I said into his soft hair.   
“It sounds weird when you call me babe.” He said, his voice more contemplative than complaining.  
“Do you want me to stop, it's a bit of a habit.” I explained.  
“No…no.” He said slowly and pushed himself up, “You hungry?”  
“No, we were meant to go to Luke’s for lunch too, for his birthday.” I said.  
“Oh. Okay. You should still eat though.” Niall said, looking a bit worried, “You are getting pretty skinny.” I just smiled, I ate fine. I was a little chubby when he last remembers, but I grew and lost all the baby fat. Niall had commented a lot while we were together on how he liked a boy with a little meat on him.   
“I'll have some fruit.” I compromised. That satisfied him at least and he went to the kitchen to eat.   
“What time do we leave?” He asked as I followed him through.   
“12, it's only a few minutes away, we can walk if you like.” I said. He nodded as he scooped cereal into his gob.  
“I bin finken…” Niall mumbled with his mouth full.  
“Niiiall, that's just gross, come on!” I groaned and he sheepishly swallowed and started again.  
“Sorry, I was thinking, maybe we could watch some of the video’s you've taken over the last two years. It might help me remember.” He said.  
“I'd like that, I have some cute ones.” I told him and pulled my phone out to start looking through.  
“You can tell me more about them, if there is anything more to tell. Some I have are…fairly…fucken... self explanatory…” Niall blushed. I had no idea what he was talking about but smiled at his blush. It was normally quite hard to embarrass Niall, but apparently something on his phone got to him.  
“I'm intrigued now, was it something I sent you? Or something you took?” I grinned far too wide.   
“Umm, a bit of both.” He said and took his bowl to the sink.  
After brushing our teeth, I joined Niall on the couch again, this time I sat between his legs, leaning back into his chest. The position sent shivers through me, this was how Niall had always preferred to lay. He was the big spoon, I was the little one. It is such a familiar and comfortable position, I can't help but wonder if Niall feels it too. His hand weaves under my arm and comes to rest gently on my chest.   
“Your’s first.” He said and I obeyed, pulling up the first video from a month or so after we first got together and hired Segways to cruise around whatever city we were in. We tried to hold hands but it didn’t go well and I almost pulled Niall off his Segway.   
***  
“You’re a clumsy fucker aren’t you.” Niall laughed in the video and I replied, “Don't fucking swear.”  
***  
“You’re a tool.” Niall said smiling and flicked to the next video.   
***  
This one was with Louis, he was jumping around on the bed Niall and I were sleeping in while Liam filmed. Niall flung the blanket up revealing his naked chest and shoved Louis off, hard, sending him crashing to the floor with an ungraceful thud. “For fucks sake Louis!” He growled before I pulled him into a cuddle. Liam zoomed in on us in the bed and Niall mouthed, “Cunts.”  
***  
“You swear so much.” I said. Niall shrugged and flicked to the next video.   
“I love this one.” I told him, smiling back at him, he smiled softly back before turning his attention to the screen.

***  
“Say it.” My voice said as the screen showed Niall raising his eyebrows at me behind the phone.   
“Say what?” Video Niall asked with a smirk.  
“Pleeeease Ni, what you just said, Say it!” I had said. Niall’s smirk changed into a smile I had only ever see him give me.  
“I love you, Harry. Okay? I love you, more than anyone or anything else.”he said right into the camera before looking back up to where I was recording, “Happy babe?”.  
***  
I had ended the video there. It was right before I had taken Niall's virginity.   
I was pulled from my reminiscing when Niall took his hand from my chest and I heard him sniff. I turned to see him wipe his eye and look away from me.  
“Ni.” I said hesitantly and sat forward so I was facing him. He turned his head away.  
“Are you okay?” I asked and he shook his head. “Can I do anything?”  
He pulled me into his chest then and held me with both arms. I wrapped my arms around his waist as best I could, my legs now off the couch and on the floor. Only a minute later Niall relaxed his hold and I pulled back.  
“What's wrong, babe?” I asked him again.   
Niall scrunched his nose in concentration before quietly saying, “I can’t say, it just felt like a wave of happy and sad, just got to me.”  
“Do you want me to tell you more about that video?” I asked. Niall hesitantly nodded.  
“You never said you loved me, I had told you how I felt for about three months. When you finally said it you had not even realised you said it. You shocked yourself. So I made you say it again so I could record you saying it, seeing as you had left me hanging with the ‘I love you’s’ so many times.  
“You always rush into things.” Niall said with a sweet smile on his face.  
“I took your virginity about five minutes after that video too.” I said with a shy smile, I wasn't sure if I should tell him that or not.  
“Is that why you love it?” Niall asked, his voice unsure.  
“No, shit no, I love it because of what you said…and how you said it.” I said and looked right at Niall's blue eyes so he knew I was telling the truth. He caught me off guard then and lent forward and kissed me gently on the mouth. His hands came to my arms and he pulled me up so I sat on my knees, straddling his legs, his back against the couch. I let my hands roam to his hair as I continued to kiss him back. Niall was the one to eventually pull back, breathing hard.  
“Can we watch the next one?” He asked. I nodded and turned so I could sit beside him in the couch, under his arm. Niall rested his chin over my shoulder after gently pushing my loose hair behind my ear so he could see. I played another eight videos, all of us being cute together or mucking around with the guys. There was one particularly cute video of Niall with Lux.   
***  
He was talking with her while making a sandwich so I decided to record them from around the corner.  
“Harry thinks he’s so cool.” Niall said to Lux in his thick accent.  
“Harry’s a penguin!” Lux laughed making Niall crack up and hi five Louis who was sitting on a bar stool opposite them.   
***  
“That was cute.” Niall said in my ear. I shivered.   
“You are cute.” I told him and squeezed his hand which lay on my stomach.Niall then reached over to his phone and unlocked it before hesitating.  
“You have a tattoo…down there….yeah?” He asked.   
I gave him a questioning look before nodding.   
“Okay…so this is you?” He said and opened a file labeled ‘!!!’ Several pics and videos of us having sex, showed up on the screen.   
“Have you watched them?” I asked him.   
“No, just seen the pictures.” He mumbled.  
“You want to watch them with me?” I asked and I felt him nod instantly.  
“Go on then, play that one.” I said. Pointing to the first video, I remember taking it, it was only 6 months ago.  
***  
Heavy breathing immediately erupted from the phone, Niall was fucking me, I was recording, holding the phone in front of me in selfie mode.   
“Ugh, fuck, Harry, stop recording this shit on my phone,” Niall said as he fucked into my arse.  
“I want…ah!... to see…nnn…see you fuck me.” I had said between snaps of Niall's hips. My face kept contorting between bliss and pain.   
“Mhmm, you kinky fucker, you tight kinky fucker,” Niall swore as he continued to pound into me. Niall quickened his pace and I dropped my head down and bit my wrist to stop from yelling.   
“Ahhhhng…more lube Ni, ahhh, please.” I begged but Niall ignored my plea and kept relentlessly pounding, saying, “Shh, you’re fine.”  
***  
I heard Niall gasp in my ear so I paused the video.It took him a long time to get as confident as he was in the video. I turned to check his reaction. He looked shocked.  
“Maybe we shouldn't watch this…”, I said.  
“Why would I di that to you?” He asked so innocently it melted my heart.  
“I like it Niall, what you were doing.” I said, feeling the heat flush my face. Niall bit his lip and nodded slowly. “We can stop, we don't have to watch these.” I said but Niall shook his head and nodded back to the phone. I pushed play again.  
***  
“Ooooorrgh…fuck, fuck, FUCK!” I yelled, the pain was bad, so bad, and I loved it.  
“So good baby, so tight, so sore.” Niall talked as he thrust a tad slower but harder, “ ‘m gonna cum baby.” Niall gave three sharp thrusts before shuddering and ejaculating into my asshole. He then continued to thrust slowly, allowing the cum to lubricate my aching hole.  
“Niall, Can you eat me out, please, I need to cum?” I asked him. Niall then gently turned me over. I readjusted the phone camera to record Niall as he pushed my legs up and started to mouth at my red hole, his tongue gently licking in. It only took a particularly strong suck from Niall to make me cum, white cream dribbled down the lens.  
“Harry!” Niall grumbled, taking the phone and wiping the cum off with his finger before sucking it off. He handed the phone back though and let me record him as he licked the cum from my hand and stomach.   
“You okay baby?” Niall then asked.   
“Perfectly fucked.” I said and then turned the phone to my face which sported a huge smile.  
***

Niall cleared his throat and shifted a bit in his seat. He had a boner, it was obvious by the outline on his pants. “That was…”  
“Hot?” I offered and leaned right back into Niall's chest.  
“I was going to say full on, strange, like nothing I would EVER have imagined.…but hot is true too.” He managed a weak smile.  
“I love when you take control…” I said, hinting ever so slightly.  
Niall took in a shaky breath.   
“Just hands and…and mouth…” Niall said. I turned to see if he was trying to suggest what I thought he was. He looked unsure, but I also knew when he was horny and it was written in his eyes.


	14. Chapter 14

"Ni...you...you can't say we aren't dating or anything like that...if we do anything...okay?" I checked with him. I know I would not handle it if he decided to hook up with Louis again after we started again. "No Louis, Not Kyle, no-one."   
Niall nodded slowly and I couldn't hold my grin back any longer.  
"Feckin' hell, how you call me cute, I don't know, you're the cute one." He said with a smile.

I smiled and kissed him lightly on the mouth. He responded straight away. I thought about letting him take the lead but I know that's not what we did at the start. I had to show him how to be more dominant. I wriggled back, keeping our lips connected and pulled him on top of me gently so mu head was on the arm of the couch and he was straddling my hips. My hands wandered down to his waist where I massaged his barely-there love handles. Niall relaxed down so he was supporting himself on his elbows, hands in my hair. I started to slip his shirt up his chest. He instinctively pulled back so I could get it off. After I threw it to the floor beside us I went to take my own off before Niall's hand stilled mine.  
"Can I?" he asked, I just smiled and let him. I watched his reaction, he took a sharp breath in and ran his fingers carefully over my torso. I tried to push out my stomach a bit, to make my hip bones not protrude so far. "Fuck you're beautiful Harry, even when you're so skinny..." Niall said quietly.   
“I like being this size.” I told him, hoping it wouldn’t upset him. It didn’t seem to, although he seemed a bit lost for what to do. I had to remember he needed guidance. I half sat up and connected our lips again. This time deepening the kiss and really letting my hands travel over his chest and back. He took the cue and started to venture further. 

“You want me to blow you?” I asked breathlessly.  
“Mmmh, yeah.” He said and undid his belt. He let me pull his pants and briefs down below his knees where he was then able to kick them off. I pushed him backwards, probably a bit too roughly but he didn’t question it. Just nervously held his cock in one hand and looked at me, waiting.   
I took a hold of his cock and milked a small amount of pre-cum out. I brought my lips straight to the beads and used it as lube to easily slide my mouth over his swollen cock. I took him well, I always had, his gasps and moans were proof. It felt good to know I could make him gasp again. I took my time to make him feel good, to get comfortable and really enjoy it. His hands made their way to my hair, softly stroking. I pulled off, and he let out a groan of disappointment.  
“You can fuck my mouth.” I told him, taking him in again while keeping eye contact to see how he reacted. He dropped his jaw but slowly began to make shallow trusts into my mouth. I put a hand over his and guided him to grip tighter and push me too. When he finally started to get a little stronger and rougher I couldn’t help the groan of pleasure that wreaked me. Cum leaked though my trackies. Niall took the encouragement and kept going, getting stronger with each thrust, as if to test my limit. Little did he know I didn’t really have a limit with Niall, he had never pushed beyond it at least. His trusts became erratic and messy and I knew he was close, I tried to suck as best I could as his cock was thrown to the back of my throat repeatedly. I did have to be careful now, I knew Niall could go for a while but I couldn’t breathe when he got this rough. 

“Mmmh...ah...one...sec Ni,” I gasped and took a few deep breaths. ”Huh, okay baby, I’m good, huh, so good.” Niall was hesitant to start again but I moaned and grabbed his bum to push, telling him what I wanted.  
“Fuck Harry...fuck you’re incredible...” Niall panted before thrusting particularly hard into my face and releasing his load down my throat as my nose was nestled in his light pubic hair. I pulled away slowly, swallowing as I did. Niall pulled me up to his lap and I straddled him before curling into his chest for a cuddle, my arms wrapped around his back.  
“Wow...” Niall said breathlessly.   
“Mmmhmm.” I hummed and snuggled closer, I could feel his cock, still semi hard beneath my bum.  
“Can I?” Niall asked. I shook my head, knowing what he was implying. “Hmm, okay,” He mumbled.   
“Sorry, there wouldn’t be much point.” I explained and he looked offended. “Oh, baby, not like that! I came already, I’m not like you, I can’t go two or three rounds.”  
“That’s fucking hot Harry.” Niall whispered and squeezed me extra tight. “You actually came from giving me head.” I smiled and let a blush creep over my face and neck.   
“Mmmm.” I was tired.  
“I need a shower Harry.” He said, and started pushing me up, so I gripped him tighter and shook my head.  
“No, I need you to hold me, stay here for a while.” I said firmly.   
“Oh, Okay.” Niall replied and stroked my back.  
After a while of silence, Niall kissed my head. “Harry?” He asked.  
“Yeah babe?”  
“Are you okay?” He said, not sounding worried, more just curious. I nodded.  
“I wasn’t too rough?” He asked.  
“No.” I reassured him, “I like it, but you need to...look after me...afterward...like...cuddle and rub my back.”  
“Like...after care?” He said. I hummed in response and kissed his neck before sitting back on my bum on his legs. I bit my lip.  
“It’s okay, isn’t it? We did this a lot. Before, you know. I...I thought you liked it,” I said. Anxiety rose up in me.  
“Sure, I like it, it’s different...nice.” He said and pulled me back to his bare chest. His fingers ran gently over my back, softly outlining my ribs, one at a time.


	15. Chapter 15

“You are…an enigma.” Niall said after I had slung an arm over his shoulders and pulled him close while we walked to Luke and Ashton's place.  
“Oh?” I teased, “why?” I was intrigued, Niall had called me this before, a while after we started dating. It would be interesting to know the reason this time.  
“You are so…confident and carefree…all the time…and then…when you…you know…you were so different, almost…insecure.” Niall said. Different answer to last time. Last time it was because I insisted on only putting on clean clothes, even if I hadn't had a shower.

“I'm not insecure.” I told him. It was the truth, I just loved when he took control.  
“What would you call it?” He asked.  
“Huh, well…you used to call it a kink. I don't know though, it's nothing, just…me.” I told him.  
“Did you not like it when I called it a kink?” He asked.  
“I didn’t care, I don't care. You can call it what you like.” I said and squeezed his shoulder. We were walking slowly, Niall was setting the pace, I guess he had a lot of questions to get out.  
“Did you…ever…top?” He then asked quietly. I smiled and kissed his hair.  
“Yes, a bit.” I said, “mostly when we first started having sex. I prefer you fucking me.” Niall blushed. “Sorry, was that too much?” I asked him genuinely.  
“A little, it…it's good to know though.” He said.

We walked in silence for half a block while Niall contemplated things.  
He finally spoke up though, more questions.  
“What are your…deal breakers?” He asked. I raised my eye brow.  
“Um, Ni, I don't think you really need to worry about that.” I joked but he didn't look impressed so I just answered him. “Ummm…nut case…smoker…closed minded.”  
“Just those?” He asked.  
“Mm, yeah…what about you?” I asked and threw him off guard. I already knew them, we’d had this conversation before.  
“Er, I…”, he looked away, he was going to lie.  
“Niall?” I pushed.

“I guess the nut case and closed minded too…dirty…the last one doesn't really apply now though.” He said honestly, he had stumped me. He didn’t say the last one, but he didn't lie about it.  
“Too skinny.” I said, he frowned at me and stepped out from under my arm.  
“You knew already!?” He growled, “you tricked me!”  
“Hey, Niall, I'm sorry, I did, that was wrong of me.” I said and took his hand. “I just wasn't sure how much it bothered you. I've seen you notice, but, I don't want to be any bigger.”  
“I already said it didn't apply now.” He said calmly, “it doesn't matter, if you’re happy then that's...fine. You are hot Haz...really hot, sack of bones or not.”  
“I'm not a sack of bones,” I defended, not feeling any better.”I shouldn't have said anything...sorry.” I let his hand go and continued walking.

“Harry! This isn't fair! Fucking hell, you Fuck, just…stop!” He called as I strode off, he had to jog to catch up. He grabbed my wrist and yanked me to a halt. “Stop!” He commanded before he continued. “ ‘m sorry, you know I have no filter, but that ‘bag of bones’ thing was unfair, I shouldn't have said it.”  
I let out a sigh and gave him a reluctant smile. “Okay.”

“It’s a sore spot…isn't it…Have I brought it up before?” He questioned. I looked away and nodded before running my hand through my hair.  
“It's not a deal breaker Harry, I mean it.” He reassured, his fingers on my cheek, making me face him. “Please believe me.”  
I dropped my head onto his shoulder and let him hold me. “Mmhmm.” I murmured, not trusting my voice.  
He took my hand and we walked the last block in silence.

We approached the boys door and Niall turned me to face him.  
“You okay?” He asked.  
“Yeah Ni…I'm…” I shook my head and smiled ruefully, “this is what you do to me…I guess you’ll get use to it, I don't think I'm so much of an enigma…I think you just have a power over me…no one else could ever make me second guess my appearance. No one. But there you are, completely unintentionally sending me into an oblivion of doubt. It isn't your fault Ni. I'm just helpless against it. Whatever it is.”  
“I’ll be more careful, I promise.” Niall said and gave me a sweet little kiss on the side of my mouth which was interrupted by Liam and Louis walking up to the door.

“You know, if you push the red button, it will tell everyone in the house that someone is waiting for the door to be opened.” Louis said sarcastically.  
I pressed the button and Ashton answered. He greeted everyone, giving me a sad smile. I felt horrible about what I had done to him. I should never have dragged him along. We filed in, Liam snagging Niall to hit the bar fast.

“Are things cool with you and Ash? Louis asked.  
“I guess, Luke would have asked him if it was okay to invite me, and here I am.” I told him.  
“He’s still hurting.” Louis said sadly.  
“Fuck Louis, we’re here for a party, I know he’s hurt, I'm not heartless. But, cant we just have fun today?”  
“Jesus, Haz, calm down, what's up your butt? I was just saying…” Louis said indignantly,”I mean, he is cute, and available, maybe I could…cheer him up?” He smirked.  
“A bit of a trend of my sloppy seconds there Lou, he's a bit young for you isn't he.” I joked, letting him know to go for it. I smiled over at Niall who was chatting away with Liam. He was almost through his first drink.  
“How is he?” He asked, nodding towards Niall.  
I couldn't stop the ridiculous smile crossing my face. “Mm, he's good.”  
Louis raised his eye brows. “That good hey?” He joked.  
“Gave ‘im head…was like we were back in time.” I said before I realised how cheesy it sounded. Louis just laughed at me, spluttering out the drink he had sipped.

“Right, well, on that note, I'm going to go cheer up a broken hearted boy.” He said before striding off, leaving me on my own in a crowded room. I watched him approach Ashton who was leaning on the edge of the pool table no one was playing on. Louis had such an easy way about him, he slipped himself right up close to Ashton without a moment of hesitation. Louis had him smiling and laughing in a few short moments.

“Should I be jealous?” Niall's accented voice suddenly said from beside me. I jumped.  
“What?” I said before realising just who I had been staring at.”oh, ha, no, I was just admiring Louis’ sly ways, you've already surpassed me there babe.” I said smiling, referring to his experimenting with Louis. I got the blush from Niall I wanted.  
“Want to come for a swim?” He changed the subject.  
“Sure.” I followed him out the back. We striped down to our board shorts before joining a very drunk Luke and Callum.

I did a bombie right between them while Niall laughed and slipped in.  
“Aye! Shoulder wrestle.” Luke said. I looked at the two of them. Neither were in a state where they would be able to hold the other and not drown themselves.  
“I'll take Luke. I said, giving Niall the smaller load.  
“Harry, we could have had that in the bag!” Niall said, always keen to stack the odds his way.  
“Too bad Niall, he’s my horse now!” Luke said and pushed me below the surface, clambering on.”Ah, you are so tall!” He laughed as I stuggled to keep my balance.  
Niall was not having much luck with Callum who kept tilting and blaming Niall for moving.  
“Go!” Luke cried and lent forward so I was forced to charge at Niall.  
Lucky for Niall, Callum dove to the side and Niall was able to avoid me and Luke. Callum grabbed a hold of Luke though and we were down.

“I'm out.” Niall said after ditching Callum. He started limping over to the side.  
“Your knee okay?” I asked, he nodded.  
“Yeah, just twisted it. It's fine.” He said and turned to rest, his back up against the side of the pool. He gently pulled me to stand in front of him.  
“I have another question.” He announced before continuing, “How public have we been?” He ran his thumb over the creases of my abs.  
“Well, around friends we’ve never hidden anything. In full public I guess we never kissed or anything but we held hands, and hugged.” I told him.  
“Okay, I just didn't want to seem…suspicious.” He said.  
“Niall, it wouldn't matter babe, whatever it is we’ve started now, that's not got anything to do with how we used to be. If you don't want me to kiss you when we're with friend then that's fine, if you want me to passionately make out with you in the middle of a shopping centre then I'll do it.”

Niall smiled, it seemed like I had managed to lift a weight from his shoulders. “Okay, so kiss me then.” He said. So I did. I pulled away and rested my forehead on his.  
“I love you.” I said and ducked under the water to blow bubbles up his body, I had no intention of getting a reply and I wanted Niall to know it. He didn't need any extra pressure.

We swam for a while, drinking whatever the bar staff Luke had hired served us as the day turned to night, before grabbing something to eat. At some point I lost Niall, I gave up trying to find him and joined a rowdy Louis in the games room. Ashton by his side. Louis was versing three others in Mario cart on the Nintendo64. His controller kept jamming left though so he was trying to make up for it with his body. A least that's what it looked like, Ashton was too his right so maybe it was just an excuse to get close. I sat myself beside Ashton, not too close, just enough to talk.  
“Ahh fuck it!” Louis yelled and handed the controller to someone else. “Want a drink boys?” He asked and left when we both nodded.

“Are we okay?” I asked Ashton after Louis was out the door, trying not to slur was a key priority.  
“I'm not going to lie, Harry.” Ashton said, looking at my hand.”It hurt, but I sort of knew it was never going to happen between us…we’re fine Harry, you’re still a mate.”  
I sighed in relief. Glad that was over.  
“Plus, Louis is pretty distracting.” He grinned sheepishly.  
“Will you fuck him?” I asked, just as Louis came back through the door, oblivious to the conversation we were having.  
“I don't see why not.” He smirked and pulled Louis’ bum down to his lap. Louis handed me a corona with about 6 limes jammed in the neck.  
“The bar boy gave me cheek.” He said in explanation. I eyed him to show that he hadn't explained the limes at all. He rolled his eyes. “So I made him cut more limes.” It was my turn to roll my eyes at Louis’ sass.

Niall poked his head in the door, searching until his eyes landed on me. He waltzed over, his stride faltering with grogginess.  
“There you are!” He said and sat on my lap.”I've bee looking everywhere for you.”  
I smelt it then, the sticky and distinct smell of cigarette smoke coming from his clothes. He saw my expression change to a frown.  
“What? What's wrong?” He asked.  
“Fuck, Niall.” Louis mumbled, giggling. Niall looked at him confused before I turned him to face me, I gave him a tentative kiss, hoping he had just been around Liam when he was smoking. But sure enough I could taste the horrible tang. I pulled back sharply.  
“You've been smoking!”, I said through gritted teeth.  
“I bummed a few ciggies, so what, I like a smoke or two when I drink.” Niall said nonchalantly.  
“Woah-ha-hoe! Niall does not know how much trouble he's in Ash!” Louis laughed.  
“So what?! Are you kidding me? Niall we were just talking about “deal breakers”, you know how I feel about it.”  
“Fuck off Harry,” Niall slurred, “I have a few when I drink, I'm hardly a smoker.”

Louis started to look more serious now.  
“You want me to Fuck off Niall?! Fine!” I said and shoved him off me. He landed hard on his hands and knees, dropping his and my own drink everywhere. I got up.  
“Sorry, I’ll pay for the cleaning or whatever.” I said to Ashton. He mumbled, “Its fine”. So I strode out before Niall could even turn around.  
“-the fuck!” I heard him cry out. I quickly let myself out the front door.  
I wiped my eyes of the tears I didn't even realise had been falling before setting off home. When I heard footsteps behind me I took off at a run.

“Harry! You might be able to outrun Niall but you can't with me.” Louis yelled. I stopped and let him catch up. He was wrong, I could outrun him but I could also use a Louis hug right now.  
“Come ‘ere.” He said with open arms. I fell into his embrace and let go. I sobbed into his shirt. Louis waited until I calmed down to speak.  
“Haz, You know he drinks too much and doesn't think about anyone else.” He said.  
“Don't give me that shit Lou. He knew, he has ALWAYs known it's a deal breaker for me. We were talking about it just today as we walked to Luke’s!” I yelled. Louis stepped back.  
“Hey don't yell at me, I'm not the one who did this.” Louis scolded.  
“Sorry, sorry Lou, I know, sorry.” I said, “Fuck, and now I've gone and pulled you from a good fuck with Ash.”  
“Don't worry about that, Ill get fucked, you haven't gotten in the way of that.” He said softly.”I am worried about you though. You've never gotten that upset before. Niall’s smoked before and you’ve known it. We see you give him the cold shoulder but you’ve never yelled at him about it. And to be honest I never thought I'd see you get physical like that.”  
“I know, I know, I shouldn't have yelled or shoved him, fuck, was he okay?” I asked, worried.  
“He’s fine.”  
“Good...good...He's always avoided me after smoking, tried to hide it at least, or waited until I was too drunk to care.” I tried to explain to Louis. “Of course I've always known but he at least made an effort. He just rubbed it in my face back there.” I said, waving back towards the house.

“Yeah, I agree, but he also had a lot to drink and lost three years of his life. Two and a half of those he spent working you out Harry.” Louis explained, “Working out how far he could push you and what he needed to do to keep you happy.”

I nodded, he was so frustratingly right it made me want to hit him. “What do I do, Lou? Go back?” I asked him.  
He nodded and put and arm around my back.


	16. Chapter 16

I approached the front of the house, Louis by my side, and spotted Niall sitting on the front porch beside Ashton, eyes blotchy from crying I guessed. He had a different shirt on, one of Ashton’s. I didn’t know what to say when he looked up at me. He wiped his eyes and stood up.   
“I‘m sorry.” He said quietly before spitting the gum he had been chewing into the nearby garden bed. Louis moved as if he was about to scold Niall for being gross but thought better of it.   
I stepped forward and buried myself in his neck. He didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around me.  
“I’m sorry I shoved you, and yelled, and lost my cool.” Mumbled into his neck. “I’m sorry I suck at being understanding and thinking about how things are for you.”   
“I’m just as bad for that too, Haz.” He admitted, “None of this is easy for you, I keep forgetting that.”  
I felt Lou rub my back as he took Ashton’s hand and they went back inside. 

I really relaxed into his hold, breathing him in, he had saturated himself in body spray and his breathe was minty. The faint smell of cigarettes lingered but I could ignore it.   
“Did I hurt you?” I asked.  
“Mm, only a little, but Ashton said I was just being a sook and it wasn’t that bad.” He mumbled, his voice still groggy and fatiguing.   
“I feel horrible.” I said squeezing him close. “I promise I’ve never done that before, and never will again, I don’t know what happened Ni.”  
“It’s fine Harry.” He said. I just shook my head, it wasn’t. It wasn’t like me and I hated myself for it.   
“What do you want to do? Go back in?...Or home?” He asked. “I’m sobering up so I either need more grog or sleep...and soon.”  
“Home.” I said and released him to take his hand. He nodded and we walked down the drive.

“Haz, I’ve seen pictures of me holding a fag... with Zayn, Liam and other mates...surely you knew those times...” Niall said quietly.  
I took a deep breath, “Yes, I...I hate it, but ... I guess I’ve always let it slide if it wasn’t too many...too often...and you at least tried to cover it up. Didn’t smoke in front of me or whatever...and wore a different jacket.”  
“Haz, I don’t want every part of our relationship to be like this.” He said. My heart stopped, and so did I.  
“What do you mean?” I asked terrified.  
“No, Harry, don’t panic. I’m just saying, like...Louis said last week that I always had to work you out, he said he never knew how I put up with it. But I do, I get it, you’re as flexible as you are fixed. Uhg, I don’t know how to explain it. You’re controlling, but then really I have total control I guess.”  
“I don’t get what you’re trying to say.” I whimpered. He took my face and kissed me, hard, his tongue invading my mouth. Mint mixed with cigarette but I kissed him back anyway. When he pulled away I couldn’t help the look of distaste on my face from the taste left in my mouth.  
“See...” he said, I raised my eyebrows. “No,” I said.  
“You hated it, didn’t you, but you still kissed back, because I wanted you to.” He explained, “I have the power, even when you hate something so much you call it a deal-breaker, but then it isn’t...”  
“Because I love you.” I said pathetically.  
“I love you too Harry, it’s just hard, working out how far I can push out of your controls before you break and what I just need to let you control. It was so strange finding out that I indulged your need to know exactly where I was all the time. Then I realised you didn’t seem to even attempt to control where I went, you just needed to know where I was. I can live with that. I know other people couldn’t, Louis said I was insane, but it’s fine.”   
“You love me?” I asked, dumbly, I wasn’t expecting him to say it back for months.

“Yes, you idiot.” He smiled and squeezed my hand. ”But...can we have some sort of sign though, for you to give when I’ve pushed it too far? Or I’m getting close? I need to be able to have some room to move, but I don’t want to hurt you, or upset you.” I didn’t mind that idea, he made sense, I was a control freak, and he had always pushed me to the limit.  
“Okay, yeah, what about the colour system? We used it for sex.” Niall blushed deep red.  
“We needed a colour system, for sex?” He asked, clearly embarrassed. I had to laugh.  
“Yeah baby, Yellow for warning, Green for it’s okay and Red for stop. Simple.” I explained.  
“Fuck, what the hell have we done?!” He asked, shocked.   
I laughed, “If I told you now I think you’d be surprised to hear I never said Red before.”   
“I don’t want to know, you’re such a kinky fuck.” He said and started walking again, my hand in his.  
“So the colours?” I asked.   
“Yeah, they’ll do.” He said.


	17. Chapter 17

Niall’s POV

I'm waiting in Harry’s…hmm, no…I guess our bed. While Harry has a shower. The dirty boy hadn't showered since yesterday morning and he had been to the gym today. 

Last night was…full on…we didn't do much today though. Harry answered more questions I had, Louis came over for a while, he looked happy. I'm guessing him and Ashton hooked up. It was a bit of a load off my mind, knowing if Ashton was single there was temptation for Harry. I knew I was taking a risk by letting myself get close to Harry, after he had already proven that cheating was not out of his ability. I half hope, every day, that I don't remember what it felt like when I first found out. Ashton and I have drifted further since my feelings for Harry renewed themselves. I can't help but see him as a threat. 

 

While I waited for Harry I decided to have another look at the videos in the triple x file I had on my phone.  
I went to one of the earliest ones, we had probably been dating for a couple of months, going by the date. 

***  
“What are you doing?” I said uncertainly.  
“Can I record us?” Harry said, smiling cheekily into the camera.  
“Why my phone?” I questioned and he turned the camera to face me. I tried to pull a blanket up over me but Harry’s hand stopped me. I was still just a boy. I don't know what he saw in me.  
“It's hot, knowing you have it, that you’ll watch it.” His voice said without quaver, “you might want to put a passcode on it.”  
My chest rose and sank before I nodded and gulped. Harry then rested the phone on the bed side table so we were both in view.  
Harry looked a little chubby, perfect and soft. He had track pants on still but a bare chest.  
“Don't look so scared Ni baby.” He said and kissed me gently, his hands gently moving over my body, from my arm, to shoulder and then down my chest until he stopped at my dick. In his hands, it looked so small.

***

“What's that you’re watching that has you blushing?” Harry interrupted, I hadn't seen him come out and stand at the end of the bed in just his briefs. I rushed to press pause but before I knew it he had scrambled across the bed and had a hold of the phone.  
“I was just….” I tried to explain but he smiled and kissed me hard before I could try to stammer out any explanation.  
“You were so cute!” He said and handed me back my phone before cuddling up to my side, his wet head resting on my shoulder, bare chest and legs pressed against me. “Go on,” he nodded.  
“Do, I have to? Can we watch another?” I pleaded.  
“No, later, this one first.” He said and pressed play for me.

***

Harry gently pumped my cock until it stiffened before he moved down to massage my balls. The whole time watching my face and expression, kissing my chest and nibbling at my nipples.His hand then ventured further between my legs and I quickly grabbed at the bottle of lube next to the phone.

Harry sat back and took it, luring up his fingers before chucking it aside. He then sat on his knees, wriggling close to my bum, he lifted my leg closest to him and placed it behind his back, effectively spreading my legs. He shuffled closer and placed a gentle hand on my stomach beside my now throbbing dick. His lubed hand then slipped down to my entrance where he slowly worked his finger in.

I wriggled and bucked up as he carefully fucked me with his digit.  
“I’m adding another baby.” Harry told me and I nodded fast, “eager are we?”  
“Fucking get….uh, get on with it.” I told him breathlessly.  
He responded with a second and then third finger which quickly changed my response. I sat up on my elbows, throwing my head back.  
“Ah, ah, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, don't stop, right there.” I moaned. Harry kept his pace and started milking my erection. I came, splattering my stomach and Harry’s hand. He smiled so big before using the blanket to wipe me down.  
“Ew, Harry!” I complained.  
“Sorry, I'll clean it up next time.” He grinned and kissed me, grabbing the phone I had apparently forgotten about.  
“Oh god, I don't want to watch that…” I said when we separated and I saw him holding it, facing me.

***

The video ended there. I then noticed Harry had his stiffy pressed against my leg. He gently took the phone from my hands and placed it face down on the bedside table.  
“Blow me?” He asked with the same cheeky grin he had in the video, “I just showered, cleaned up real good...”  
I couldn't deny it, while the video was embarrassing, it turned me on. 

I rolled to my side so we were face to face and started kissing him. He let my hands wander over his body, his hands both on my face with only the slightest hold.  
I gently rolled him to his back and his hands dropped to my waist, taking me with him. It was strange, when we lay like this he seemed so small, like he was vulnerable. I knew he wasn't, he could leg press 100kg and lift 80kg easily. But right now, he seemed small.

I tentatively pulled his brief shorts down below his knee so he could kick them off. His prefect cock sprung up and hit his stomach with a thud. The tip was only a cm from his belly button.  
“Jesus.” I said, glad he had only asked for a blow job.  
Harry smiled at me with a little blush to his cheeks.  
"come ‘ere," He said and pulled me to straddle his hips and lay on his chest. He kissed me, softly, his tongue pushing past my lips and exploring my mouth. He moaned and then began rocking his hips up to mine. His hard length between us. Mine too had swelled and pressed beside his, my trackies being the only barrier. Harry moved his hands down to my waist and started to slip his fingers into the waist band to pull them down. But I didn't let him. I took his wrists and put his hands either side of him, lacing my fingers into his.  
“Sorry.” He said between little pecks to my mouth..  
“ ‘s fine.” I said and flashed him a smile.  
I pushed off his chest, down so I was straddled over his legs, his swollen cock in my face.  
I knew what to do, sort of, I was nervous though, and my breath betrayed me.  
“Go slow, baby, no rush, whatever you do is fine.” Harry said, running a hand gently through my hair.  
I took his cock in my hand and popped the tip into my mouth, sucking gently until it reached the back of my tongue I was shocked my the stretch it gave my mouth, I tried for a bit further but gagged and had to pull off. My face heated, “Sorry, sorry.” I said. Harry out his finger under my chin and made me look at him.  
“Ni, go slow.” He almost ordered and trailed his hand back through to rest in my hair.  
I tried again, this time staying shallow, trying to move my tongue around while his cock filled my mouth, I pulled off the the tip and played with the small hole with my tongue. Harry was moaning encouragement constantly, his hand stroking my hair but never pushing me. 

I kept bobbing up and down as far as I dared, wrapping my hand around so I could pump him at the same time. I sucked hard before mouthing him softly. Without warning Harry's cum burst onto my tongue. I tried to swallow but it wasn’t happening, I sat up and Harry noticed I was struggling, grabbing a tissue. “Sorry baby, I should have warned you.” He held the tissue to my mouth and I spat the cum out. I managed to swallow the small amount of bitter liquid left. 

“You okay?” Harry asked, sitting up and taking my hand.  
“Yeah, bit embarrassed,” I admitted.  
“Please don't be, you did so well babe, I forgot to warn you how much there is.” Harry said soothingly.  
“There was a lot.” I smiled, feeling better.  
Harry pulled me over to him, I rested my head on his bare chest and he rubbed my back. His nails gently scratching. It felt so nice I hummed to him in appreciation. 

“You said you weren't being patient, last night…but you are…you’re so patient Harry.” I told his chest.  
“It's fun, doing it all again from the start.” Harry said, “seeing you gain confidence, learn what I like, and what you like.”  
“It's strange knowing the you know so much more about me in bed than I do.” I told him.  
“Maybe watch more of those videos, I took a few.” He suggested.  
“Maybe…”, I said but buried my face into his side, under his arm.  
“That tickles.” Harry giggled and shifted, getting my phone. I watched him flick through the videos until he stopped at a more recent one. He hovered over the play button, as if trying to work out whether or not to show me. Then he looked at me, “Before I play this one…just…I don't expect you to get there, or do it now or anything” he explained.  
“Okay.” I said, curious now.  
“It's just…this is probably the furthest you pushed me…almost too far.” I looked at him surprised, I had not thought I could ever have pushed him out of his comfort zone, ever.

***  
The video started with my naked chest, I blocked the camera as I leant forward and put the phone on the coffee table, we were in the living room. Harry was sitting, naked on the couch while I was kneeling in front of him, between his legs.

“Can I try something new today, baby?” I asked him. The nickname coming from me so easily.  
“Sure love, anything.” Harry said, so trustingly.  
“If it's too much, tell me, okay?” I told him.  
He nodded. I kissed him then before something in my eyes changed and I pushed off him, Harry lay back and watched me intently. No protest at all. I spread his legs and moved his hard cock to lay on his stomach. I touched my finger to the tip and licked the beads of pre-cum I collected off my finger. My hand travelled down to his hole then and I pushed a finger in, quickly and roughly. Harry’s face scrunched up in pain and he had to force himself from pulling away. His breathe was quickly ragged and shaken as he watched Me pull back my hand again before driving in. “Ah, ngh, ngh.” He whimpered, biting his lower lip.  
“Shhh, you’re okay sweet. You take it so well.” I said running my spare hand up his chest to his nipple which I rolled between my fingers, turning it red before slamming in again.  
“Fuck! Yellow, Yellow!…ngh…Fuck, just a little lube.” Harry said. I stopped immediately and grabbed the bottle beside Harry's leg.  
“Okay baby, you’re doing so well!” I confidently calmed him as I squirted a small amount of lube over my hand. Harry calmed as I spoke. He flinched slightly when I moved my hand back between his legs. Letting out a shaky breath he nodded, watching my hand.  
“So beautiful.” I said as I pressed my finger back in smoothly, “I'm adding another baby.” I warned before fucking him with two fingers. Harry's legs tensed and he whimpered as I fucked him quick and hard with my fingers.  
“Look at you, taking everything so well, you’re so special Harry.” I told him.

I must have added another finger then, my movements slowed for a few pumps before quickening again. “Ahhh, ahh.” Harry grabbed my free arm, squeezing tight. His whimpers getting stronger.  
“Good boy, so good Harry, I’ll stop soon, doing so well.” I painted. Harry nodded, looking at me with pleading eyes. He was biting his lip again. I thrust my fingers in hard for another 30 seconds before Harry began shaking his head so I slowed and pulled out.  
“Harry, baby, you’ve done so well, you’re so special,” I said, moving to sit on his lap, he cringed slightly before resting his head on my chest, panting. “Have a little break, okay baby, then we’ll keep going.” Harry nodded, letting me hold him, my arms wrapping him up.  
After a short while I pulled back and lifted his chin so he faced me.  
“Are you okay to keep going, or was that enough?” I asked him.  
“I can keep going, fuck, you’re so good at this Niall.” Harry said smiling.  
“Okay, but tell me if I have to stop, don't just shake your head baby, what if I wasn't looking?” I told him with a hint of concern.  
“Sorry, okay, I will.”  
“Good boy, now spread those pretty legs baby,” I told him and pulled him closer to the edge as I hopped down to kneeling in front of him.  
“I'm going to fuck you now.” I said with no hesitation. Harry’s cock twitched.  
I lined myself up but Harry pulled away.  
“I…I need lube.” He said hesitantly.  
“Hmm, no, not yet, I'll go slow.” I told him and he looked worried but moved back down and Let me line up again. I started to push in, much slower than I did with my fingers. Harry struggled and whined but didn't pull away again. I thrust slowly, in and out. Watching Harry strain and struggle against the pain.  
“Okay, pass me the lube baby, that's enough.” I told him and he quickly passed the lube to me. I squirted some on and wanked a little to cover my length.  
“I’m at yellow.” Harry said quietly, I nodded and kissed him.  
“Okay, I'll tell you what I'm doing, tell me if you can't go further.” I told him.  
I lined up with his ass and started thrusting into him, my hips slapping against his bum.  
“Mm, mm, mm.” Harry moaned.  
“Love your noises, so sweet.” I said. “Mmmngh, makes me cum!” I said, shuddering. Harry smiled broadly. I didn't stop thrusting.  
“Jesus, I don't know how you do that.” Harry panted.  
“I'm going to try something now, tell me if it's too much.” It told him as I stilled, my hips still pressed up to his bum, cock inside him. I put my hand down between us and Harry suddenly took in a sharp breath.  
His breathing became ragged,”Fuck, fuck, fuck, ow, oh fuck, shit!”  
“That's it, its in, you’re taking my cock and my finger baby, it's so tight, so stretched.” I said as I started to thrust slowly. Harry’s whimpering continued, one hand in his hair, he threw his head back to the roof.  
“No, no faster.” He said quietly putting a hand on my hips.  
“Give me a colour Harry.” I said firmly.  
“Angh…yellow…but…so close to red.” He panted. I nodded before putting a hand on his stomach and looking down.  
“Can I add another finger?” I asked him. He had a pained look on his face, like he didn't want to say yes but he nodded anyway. I looked down between us before focusing on Harry’s reaction as I pushed it in.  
“FUCK Niall! Oh Fuck, fuck, shit, cunt!” Harry swore but didn't pull away. He looked scared. But I kept going, thrusting slowly.  
“Oh god Harry, you’re so fucked, so fucked up, how are you handling this!” I panted. He painted his chest then. Cum shooting up, a few drops hitting his chin, but he didn't notice.  
“Fuck that's good, fuck it hurts Niall, stop moving.” He ordered and grabbed my hips with both hands, he let me pump in to him one last time before holding me still.  
“Fucking hell Harry, you are the hottest thing on earth.” I said.  
“Niall! Stop moving your fingers!” Harry growled. I smiled down at him. Leaning down to kiss him.  
Harry whimpered, so over sensitive after he came.  
“You did so well baby, I love you so much.” I told him. Bringing my hand out from between him, Harry visibly relaxed, letting my hips go to pump in and out of him again.  
“Hurry up Niall.” He whined, a pained smile on his face.  
“Sorry baby, I don't need to keep going” I said and started pulling out but he grabbed me again and shook his head. The grin on my face beamed at him.  
“Fuck, you are hot.” I said, Harry just nodded, his head back on the couch and eyes shut.  
After a few rough thrusts I shuddered and then relaxed against Harry’s chest.  
“You did so well Baby.” I told him again, stroking his hair, pushing it off his face. I stood up and Harry looked shocked and hurt.  
“Where are you going?!” He said, worried.  
“Lay down baby, I can cuddle you better.” I told him and he listened. I lay beside him before reaching for the phone and video ended.

***

That was intense, I could feel Harry looking at me. Waiting for my reaction.  
"Fuck." I said, "did you like it? Was it good for you?" I asked.  
"Yes, it was amazing, you were so controlling. So hot." Harry said.  
"That's what you like? Me to be in control?" I asked, still not looking at him.  
Harry hummed in response.  
"It was hot. But what if I pushed you too far? I didn't listen to you, I kept going when you were at yellow." I said.  
"If I said Red, you'd have stopped." Harry explained,"and I'm a lot stronger than you, if you really hurt me too bad then I'd have stopped you."  
"Prove it." I said and sat on his chest, holding his arms either side of his head. Harry laughed. I put both of his hands together and held them with just one hand while using the other to tickle him.  
"Ha Ha Ha, Niall, stop!" He laughed helpless as I tickled him. "I don't want to hurt you!" He laughed before throwing me onto my back. He straddled me then, bare bum and soft cock on my stomach.  
"Don't tickle me!" He growled, before smiling and kissing me.


	18. Chapter 18

“I'm not ready for all that yet.” I told Harry when he pulled back from kissing me.  
“I know, I don't want you to be,” he said, when I gave him a confused look he explained, “I love it Niall, but I'm loving…this.” He motioned to me, more specifically my trackies which I still had on.  
“I loved the innocence, it's…special…to have it back.” Harry said.

“Was that why you stopped loving me?” I asked, knowing I'd ruined the moment with my unfiltered mouth. “I…I didn't mean to ask that”.  
Harry frowned, “I didn't just stop loving you, Niall, there was more to me…to me…being with Ashton…than that”.  
“What are you talking about?” I asked pushing him off me and sitting up.  
“Niall…” Harry started, but couldn't finish, he rolled to the side and sat on the edge of the bed. He pulled his boxer briefs on before putting his head in his hands. “It wasn't as simple as you think, you weren’t completely innocent in it all.”  
“What do you mean, Harry.” I asked, he had me stumped,”Are you saying I made you cheat on me?”  
“No! But you…gah! Niall, you were the one who used to talk about getting someone else to fuck me, or having someone else there, watching you fuck me!” Harry said frustrated, “You knew I was flirty with Ashton all the time, he was cute, young, sweet. You suggested we talk to him, see if he was interested.” My heart wrenched at how he described Ashton.

  
“You then stormed off when I was talking to him, because I sat of his lap, because he was actually keen.” Harry continued, “It was all too much for you, but you never gave me a colour, you always insisted we could colour out for anything sex related but you didn't, you just left.”  
“You fucked him then? After flirting with him in front of me?” I asked, horrified.  
“You left! I was too pissed to disagree with Ashton when he suggested we try it with just him and I first,” Harry explained, “It actually seemed like a good idea at the time, and after everything you had said about how hot you thought it would be I didn't think it would be an issue. I didn't think I'd like him fucking me so much either... I couldn't tell you, not when I liked it so much…I didn't realise you already knew.”  
Harry turned to face me, waiting for my response, I couldn't feel anything though, it was like my body had become numb.  
“I don't know what to say…” I finally managed.  
“I'm sorry, Fuck I say that a lot, but I am, I'm sorry I let you get carried away with it all, I should have known when it was too much, you just got so confident,” Harry continued, “I mean, you saw it in the video, you knew exactly what you were doing, you never needed me to read you and work you out.”  
It was all too confusing, I don't remember nearly enough to comprehend what he is talking about.

“Do you still like him? Would you sleep with him if you could?” I asked him, holding his eye contact.  
“No, Ni, I love you, yes he is cute and sweet and a nice guy but I only went there because that was what you wanted,” Harry answered, “I know that what I did wasn't what you meant, I screwed up there but I never would have considered it, EVER if you hadn’t suggested it. I flirt, and I'm handsy but I always have been, you never cared until you got insecure about Ashton.”  
I lay back onto the pillows behind me, trying to process what he was saying.

  
“Did yo want me to go sleep in the spare bed?” Harry asked, I didn't respond straight away so he got up from the bed.  
“No, I'm…I just need to think. But…I don't want to be alone.” I told him.  
Harry crawled back onto the bed, hesitantly sliding up to me.  
I let him put an arm over my stomach and head on my chest. It was then that I realised Harry was really the younger boy, sexually he was right, he knew more but when it came to relationships, he didn't have the maturity yet, to cope with the hard times. I felt a wetness on my stomach and noticed Harry was silently crying.  
“Shhh, Haz, it's okay, alright, you’re fine babe.” I soothed and he nodded, squeezing me tight.  
“You called me babe.” He mumbled and I couldn't help the reluctant smile that formed on my lips.  
“I guess I did.” I said before dozing off, my mind still trying to process everything Harry had said.


End file.
